LIfe is Good :-)

April 18, 2005

Wow, I can cross my legs again. This might not appear to be a big deal, but it really is. I have finally healed and recovered enough to do this and get back on my bike again. This was the first week I went out on the bike 3 times this week. The rides are between 1 to just over 2 hours for each ride. My fitness is significantly lower than where it was in late January, but there is no real surprise to this. I have been trying to get back on the bike for the past three weekends and a few times during the week. But this was the first week things really felt right. This was also the week Jen and I started to ride together again, just like what we did before. The bike handling skills are definitely there, but my power and endurance is lacking.

How much difference, a 22 mile ride on the local roads with stop lights and stop signs would take me about 1 hour 15 minutes when my fitness was good, now, it takes at about 15 minutes extra. My bike fit changed slightly since I have not been on the bike for so long. The seat on my bike got lowered by ~ 5mm to compensate for my lower flexibility and my reach to the handlebars needs to be shorter to prevent rubbing and pressing on my clitoris, this is a problem many women cyclist have. I know in time, my fitness and body will recover and I can resume my proper bike fit position with some adjustment to accommodate my current anatomy.

All of my post-op problems have pretty much resolved with the passage of time. There is still a tiny spot of granular tissue at the apex of my vagina. But it’s a minor problem that should resolve in short time. The places where my sutures split have pretty much completely healed. This was what kept me off the bike for so long, if this did not happen, I believe I could have been back on the bike at 4 weeks post-op. My time spent dilating has been reduced to twice daily, once in the morning and once at night for 30 to 40 minutes. I can begin to have a real life again. I moved up to the #3 (33mm Dia) dilator a few weeks ago and now I pretty much use the # 4 (35mm Dia) and #5 (38mm Dia) tapered. The #5 is about a big a dilator I care to deal with. When I first saw and held the #5 dilator, it seen so unreal that it would ever fit in me, but much to my surprise it does now. Some time in the beginning of June, I should be able to reduce my dilating schedule down to once a day for about 30 to 40 minutes. After 6 months or so, I should be able to reduce dilating down to once every few days depending on how my body reacts to the reduction. If my vagina becomes tight again after not dilating for a while, I get to increase the frequency to gain back the elasticity. This is one of the facts of life for a post vaginoplasty TS woman for the rest of their lives along with hormone therapy. Post op care is something none of the shows in the media made about the lives of TS women ever discuss or has any degree of public awareness.

What I can say about having this or any surgery, it really pays to be physically healthy and physically fit. Your recovery time will be shorter and your body is better able to handle the stress of surgery. It’s a really good idea to be physically fit and healthy regardless. When you take care of your body, it will take care of the soul that lives within.

Dr. Meltzer and Linda were in town to do a presentation at Cal Dreaming this weekend. I knew he would be in town and was hoping that we could schedule a post-op check up with him. I did not know he did this until Janet mentioned this to me. I called the office to see if a time would be available, but the schedule was much in flux since both Dr. Meltzer and Linda were at the HBIGDA meeting held in Italy. They just got back a few days before this trip to Cal Dreaming. I called the office on Wednesday to see if a time would be available, but was told they would not be doing this since Linda might not be with Dr. Meltzer on this trip out. I was bummed since there was some question on my mind for him to answer. My friend Kara, got a message to our group that he will be in town and will be doing post-op check ups at Cal Dreaming. Jen and I had planned to see Dr. Meltzer’s presentation anyway, but now we had to be there a bit earlier to get a check up appointment with Dr. Meltzer. Jen and I did our usual morning routine of coffee, yogurt parfait (a breakfast favorite brought home with me from the Greenbaum hotel, but made with plain whole milk yogurt and granola, it’s a lot less sweet that what is served at Greenbaum). We got started so late in the morning for our bike ride that we shortened our ride planned ride from 3 hours to 2 hours. I was bummed, but life always has its trade offs. We arrived home from our bike ride got cleaned up and dressed and headed over to Cal Dreaming.

We had no idea where to find anything. We found Terri at one of the vendor booths and chatted for a while. Jen met up with Carla from Carla’s, it’s been years since they have met. This was Jen’s first place to meet other trans folks when she first began her journey so many years ago. Jen and Carla chatted for a while about all that has happened over the many years that have passed. Wondering where Dr. Meltzer might be, I called Kara on the phone, ug.. no answer, so I left her a message. Mel was hungry so we headed off to find a place to eat.

As we were walking down the main hall, Kara walked by and we flagged her down. We greeted and headed off to meet with Dr. Meltzer. Kara was having lunch with Dr. O in the hotel’s restaurant when Dr. Meltzer, Linda and Nicole walked in for lunch too. Ti turns out kara left her cell phone on the restaurant table when we called, that is why she did not answer. Funny how all this works. They were pretty much done when we arrived. Dr. Meltzer, Linda headed up to their hotel room for Kara’s post op check up. Our check up as a bit later, Linda would find us when they are ready.

Mel sat down with Jen and I and ordered some food. Nicole (This was our first intro) asked if she could join us. Sure, the more the merrier. Nicole had her VAG done by Dr. Meltzer about three weeks ago. While she was there, Dr. Meltzer mentioned he was planning to be at Cal Dreaming this month. Nicole owns a Porsche, Dr. Meltzer also owns a Porsche so they had stuff to chat about during her time at Greenbaum. Nicole mentioned she could pick them up at the airport, and much to her surprise Dr. Meltzer accepted. That is how the three of them wound up at the hotel’s restaurant. The four of us chatted about dates with plastic boyfriends and other stuff post-op TS women chat about.

A short time later, Linda appeared and asked if we would like to do the post-op check up now. Sure, we are pretty much free so we followed Linda up to Dr. Meltzer hotel room. He greeted us with a warm hello. Linda handed me one of those famous paper patient gowns to change into. Now, I have never had to deal with one of these before and had some trouble figuring the thing out. Linda had a look and found the gown was defective. She handed me another one and I went over to the bathroom to change. I held the back of the gown closed with my left hand and sat down on the recliner and foot rest with my legs apart (yea, it’s pretty undignified, but hey, it’s what needs to be done) ready for the exam. Dr. Meltzer had a look and everything has healed up quite well. I told him there was still a bit of granular tissue at the apex of my vagina he asked me what has been done to treat that area so far. I told him Dr. Shaffer has been treating that area with silver nitrate for the past few weeks and it’s improved significantly. He asked Linda to get me a scrip for a steroidal cream that would be apply to the tip of plastic boy friend when dilating. This will help improve and speed up the healing process. I asked Dr. Meltzer if there should be any hair zapping that should be done before Labiaplasty. He said, it looks good enough, but you should consider doing any hair removal after Labiaplasty. It’s better to have hair in the right places to help hide the scars from the suture lines. I was able to dodge the hair zapper needle again for now.

We always end up taking about cycling when ever we are with Dr. Meltzer. He mentioned to me one of his patients that he rides with regularly with got in contact with me via email and I confirmed this contact. One day, we should all get together in Scottsdale just to go cycling. It would be a fun thing to do. It’s a small world.

The conversation moved on to breast augmentation. This was something I have been seriously considering for a while and have done much research on the topic alone with a few consultations with other local PS surgeons who does a lot of these. The women in my circle of friends who had this done are either moms that have breast feed and ended up with deflated breast or TS women who wanted more than what they got from hormone therapy. An interesting note on breast implants, most of my mom friends and women on the message boards who got implants tended to get larger ones than my TS women friends. Many of the women on the breast implant boards tended to have implants in the over 350cc range. This includes many of my mom friends. These women are generally smaller than my TS women friends. My TS women friends tended to get implants in the under 350cc range. They just want to be better proportioned rather than busty. Me, I would consider an implant of somewhere in the 200cc to maybe slightly over 300cc range, nothing bigger. From my experimenting with water filled baggies, 250cc would easily make a full ‘C’ cup, this might be bigger than what I would like to live with..

Saline vs. Silicone gel, both Dr. Shaffer and Dr. Aslan believes saline implants are safe enough. Dr. KRC our surgeon friend does not like any kind of breast implants. I guess it’s from dealing with them as a surgeon.

After nearly 6 years of effective hormone therapy, I have pretty much equaled my sisters and nieces in breast development. That’s a good thing. All this says a lot about genetics and what one can expect. I don’t want anything big, just fuller than what I currently have. One of the possible problems with this procedure is ending up with numb nipples or general loss of sensation in the breast. We asked Dr. Meltzer about this and incision placement he told us nerves can be avoided by being careful during development of the incision under the nipple.

The crease incision works well too, but once the implant pocket is made you can’t always predict where the new breast fold falls and “under the arm pit incision has a greater risk of hitting nerves since this is where the nerves route to the breast. It’s a bit comforting, but I’m still worried about this happening to me if I elect to have this procedure done. I would be totally heart broken if bigger boobs resulted in loss of breast sensitivity. I already knew the bigger the implant, the bigger the possible problem and Dr. Meltzer confirm this. It’s really a beauty accessory that you wear daily. I’m still sitting on the fence with this one. Labiaplasty next year, yes. Breast Augmentation, maybe, and still maybe..for now.

We asked if Jen wanted a check up too. She was a bit hesitant for a moment, but accepted. Jen and I went over to bathroom to change out of my paper exam gown and handed it to Jen. She got into the gown and sat down in the same recliner and repeated what I just did. The first thing Dr. Meltzer noticed was the large infection on Jen’s leg we suspected it was an insect bite gone bad. We don’t know what really happened. This thing has been getting worst over the past few days. Dr. Meltzer appeared very concerned about the condition of this affected area.

He asked Linda to get an anti-biotic scrip for Jen and told Jen to see Dr. Shaffer or another doctor to have it drained. If he had the instruments and meds to get that done then, he would have treated it during this exam. After dealing with the infection, Dr. Meltzer did Jen’s post-op check up. All was fine and ready for Labiaplasty in October this year. Jen headed off to the bathroom to change back into her clothes. We had a few minutes left before his presentation and there was just enough time to phone in a prescription for Jen’s anti-biotic and my steroidal cream at the local pharmacy we use. What a way for Dr. Meltzer to do a, “house call.”

Linda, Jen and I headed to the room where Dr. Meltzer’s presentation was being held. Dr. Meltzer joined us in the presentation room a few moments later and began his presentation. Five of us sat together, Kara, Nicole, Me, Jen and Mel. All of us went to Dr. Meltzer for vaginoplasty at some point in time. The presentation consisted of a discussion of the various procedures he does and before and after images of these procedures. It was an interesting presentation and I learned some stuff about these procedures. After the presentation, there was a question and answer session including some rather active words on the topic of health insurance coverage for sex reassignment surgery. My feelings on this topic have not changed from what I wrote about this previously. Jen wanted to stop by the pharmacy to pick up her meds and go home to rest. The group wanted to have dinner together. I asked Mel to call me and tell me where to go. We said goodbye to Dr. Meltzer, the group and a few other friends. We made it to the pharmacy just in time before they closed. The pharmacy had Jen’s meds, but my steroidal cream will not be ready until Monday. We went home so Jen could get some rest. I asked her if she would like to join us for dinner. She told me she was a bit tired and her leg was not feeling well, she told me to go and have dinner with the group any way. A short while later, Mel called with the restaurant information. I asked if they could stop by to pick me up at out home since it was along the way. The wait for the group to pick me up at home appeared to so long.

I started to wonder what was taking them so long. Well, they got lost in the airport freeway maze and it took a while to get them all unraveled. We all drove over to a local Thai restaurant and had a nice dinner and evening together. It was getting late after an eventful day and we all headed home after dinner.

March and the beginning of April has been a great time for me. So much of my post-op problems are now gone and my surgical site is feeling better each day. What is most significant to me, I’m beginning to completely forget what it feels like to be physically incongruent. All of that is becoming a distant memory in a rather short time.

Jen and I met with Barbara for the book interview on a late Friday afternoon. Our interview would be used for the ending of this book. The interview was a story about Jen’s journey, how we met and what our lives are like today. We are the love story ending of Barbara’s book. I made it clear that while surgery was an important part of our lives, it is not where the story really is. The story is what our daily lives are like and how we share our lives together as a couple.

During the middle of March, my sister who lives in Hong Kong traveled her to visit. During the time she was here, the four of us (Fay, Diane, Jen and me) had lunch together. What I did not expect was a gift from my sister to cover the cost of my surgery. I was totally surprised and shocked. It took Jen 6 months of convincing and some time with our therapist for me to be able to accept her help to get my date with Dr. Meltzer done. I did better this time. I really don’t know how to thank her for what she has done. After all that has happened to my family, from the beginning to the end, it was my sisters who were always there for me. Their love and total acceptance of me as another girl in the family will always have a special place in my heart and renews my sense of family.

Each day I spend with Camille brings our mother / daughter relationship closer. I’m so happy to have the relationship I do with Camille. Years ago, my mom friends told me how special mother / daughter relationships can be, now I’m living it. I’m also surprised at how much Camille is beginning to physically look like me and how similar our personalities are becoming. Cameron is a young teen of 15 years old. My transition has been difficult for him. He has grown as much as he has changed. I will never have the father / son relationship with him; I can still be a loving and supportive parent for him. I believe the job of a parent is to love and support their children to find and make a life of their own. I have watched so many parents foist their expectations upon their children, live their dreams thru their children and ruin their children’s identity and sense of self in this process.

I finally got my Lancia Monte Carlo / Scorpion titled and registered. We are so relieved this is done and over with. Jen’s Triumph TR-3 restoration project that we started last spring and before our trips to Scottsdale is nearing completion. The body stuff is very near done and the engine and transmission is basically ready to install. When the TR-3 is done, the plan is to get the Lancia back on the road. I have always loved Italian cars as they embody so much of the Italian’s passion and sense of art for the automobile. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t break all the time and are just fine as reliable daily transportation. Over the past 20 years, I have owned 7 FIAT / Bertone X1/9s. This two seater has been one of the most reliable cars I have ever owned, this includes the SAAB turbo I have owned for over 10 years and a host of other cars including a Honda. I have an 1988 (last year sold in USA) X1/9 currently and it gets driven often. This car continues to deliver a degree of driving fun few current cars offer (The only new two seater I care about today is the Lotus Elise, nothing from Ferrari, Porsche, Mercedes, BMW, Bentley, Jaguar, Honda, Nissan etc. impresses me) to this very day. The driving experience of a light weight mid engine car that is done right brings the driver closest to being connected to the driving experience.

Jen and I went shopping at the local nursery for our season of garden veggies. We started this last year when we planted tomatoes, basil, parsley. This year we have planted tomatoes, peppers, basil, parsley, onions, garlic, strawberries and a few other veggies. There is nothing like garden fresh and ripe produce. Yes, we are spoiled. Jen has been planting various spring flowers too. When we sit I our garden drinking home roasted coffee watching the bird and squirrels feeding on the feeders and absorbing the colors and early morning fragrance from the garden flowers, Jen and I could easily spend the entire day sitting there and chatting about stuff. When the weather gets warmer, we bring a cool fruity wine out to our garden table to sip and enjoy. We have our meals in the garden during that time of the year too.

Jen and I make our meals together often. Many times we share the task of our daily meals which means Jen will prepare part of what we plan to cook and I will do a different part of the process. We started to make pizza at home. One of our favorites is chicken sautéed with garlic, peppers, onions in olive oil. A blend of mozzarella, Monterey jack, cheddar cheese is placed on the pizza dough before the sautéed chicken mix is laid on top. Jen preps the dough (its pre made from Trader Joes) in the traditional process of kneading, stretching and the well known toss and spin. Jen applies some olive oil a mix of herbs and lightly salt the edge of the pizza too. I make the sautéed chicken mix. Once the pizza dough is ready, we put the pizza together and put the pizza in the oven with a stone at 500+ degrees for 10-15 minutes and the finished pizza is really tasty.

It’s been awhile since I had a chance to go shopping. I got a card from Nordstrom’s Rack that they new arrivals are in and I had to see what they got. Two Nordies later, I got a black blazer, three tops and two skirts. I look forward to spring, summer and it’s warm to hot days. That is when my warm weather clothes and I have the most fun. I have not had a chance to stop by Loeman’s to see what they have. There will be time for my shopping fix in the near future.

Life is good

>^..^<

Nici…..