Post op Day 2-3

February 3, 2005
Post Op Day 2
First day out of bed and took a short walk

Nancy was my nurse for today. This is the day when I get out of bed and try to take a short walk. I did not sleep all that well yesterday night due to a noisy IV pump that was still plugged in, but not used. I got up during the wee hours in the morning and spent some time putting up pictures on my yahoo picture page. I was still not able to write due to the IV stem in my left wrist. After doing this for a while, I got tried of doing pictures and tried to get some more rest. My slumber was light, but better than nothing. At some where around 7:00 AM, Jen woke up and came over to say good morning. I’m surprised at how well Jen has been sleeping here even with all the noise and lumpy hard recliner. One of the problems with me sleeping here is my body position in bed. I’m kind of stuck laying on my back with my legs apart due to all the stuff in the middle. It’s just not my usual sleeping position and adds to my problem of sleeping here. I can’t say the hospital beds are comfy either. While you can adjust them in many ways, the foam cushioning is not great. 

Day two is bladder training day and try and get out of bed day. When you have a Foley catheter installed draining all the urine from your bladder, your body tends to forget how to deal with a full bladder and you need to get it used to being filled and emptied again. The process is pretty simple. You cap off your Foley catheter with a tapered cap and allow your bladder to fill up and empty it after a while when it’s feels full. You cap off for about 90 minutes or so then you empty it. One thing you learn fast is how sensitive your bladder is to changes in pressure. The first time I capped off and drained it too fast, OUCH. I’m not going to do that again. Nancy came by and gave me a catheter cap and I remember well doing this routine with Jen, so she had no problem with just giving me the caps. I also got Nancy to remove the IV stem from my wrist so I can write in my journal again. I was happy about being able to type again. Janet from Dr.Meltzer’s office came by and wanted me to show her I could do it, but since I just did this a moment ago, I was not too keen on doing this again. I carefully showed Janet that I know how to get this done and she appeared satisfied with what I was doing. I remember Jen telling me what it felt like when you let the urine drain out too fast and now I know what it feels like. Capping off also means being able to get out of bed. Bryna, one of Dr. Meltzer’s patients from last week who came by to say hello and chat yesterday afternoon (yea, we talked for over an hour about out lives) told me today is her last day here before heading back to Connecticut. She had some flowers in a vase left over as a gift and wanted to give them to me. I smiled and gladly accepted them and thanked her for the gift. They really help to brighten up my room. Nancy came by later to help me get out of bed for the first time. The first thing to come off were the compression cuffs on my calf muscles to prevent DVT when you have been stuck in bed for an extended time. Then came capping off the Foley and finally working your way out of bed. I was pretty excited about finally being able to get out of bed after being stuck there for the past few days. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and carefully tried to get out of bed with two blood drain bottles, the Foley hanging from my tummy via tape, the hospital gown that got in the way and still weak from the stress of surgery. I made my way out of bed OK. I felt the need to go potty too, so the first stop was the potty. I tried to get a BM gently but nothing but gas came out. I was not willing to try hard due the possibility of tearing sutures. This also gave me the chance to change my pad. I was still dripping and spotting quite a bit. The next place I wanted to go to was visiting my neighbor who was Dr. Meltzer’s morning patient. I made it over there OK and chatted only a few words, but I suddenly felt dizzy and almost passed out. Jen and Nancy caught me just in time before I hit the floor. One of them got a wheel chair and I was just able to sit down. 

I was drenched in sweat after this. Jen and Nancy got my sweat soaked gown off to help me cool off. Nancy got me a cold towel for my forehead and that helped. They wheeled me back to my room next door. I spent some time sitting there to recover from what just happened. After a several minutes, I was recovered enough to get back into my bed with a new gown. I decided to rest in bed for a while before trying that again. Jen and Nancy got me some stuff to eat since I have not had breakfast yet. Some food and some rest made me feel better in short time. I decided to stay in bed to do some writing and bladder train. Jen went back to the holiday Inn for a short while to take care of some personal stuff while. I rested in bed writing and did bladder training. Jen got back after our lunch arrived. I waited for her return and we had lunch together. I tried to take a walk again after lunch, this time, I was far more careful and was able to make it to the nurses station and back to my room without any incidents. It was now mid afternoon and I decided to take a nap for a while since Jen wanted to head back to the holiday Inn for a short while. After my nap, I got up and did some more writing and began to think about all that has happened over the past few days. Jen brought over the box Trisha sent me and I finally figured out the contents. The spices go to Linda at Dr. Meltzer’s office. I was confused about this the first time I opened the package. When Debbie or Janet or Cheryl or Dr. Meltzer comes by I will get them to take the bag of goodies to Linda. I should also mention Ranch 99 is on 44^th. street in Phoenix. She sent me the following; one Pucca doll that is just the cutest thing, a box of, “It’s a girl mints.”, and what touched me most was a card with the following words,

**JOY** 

“Hi Bernice, Congratulations Sis! Everyone on the ATGN has you in their hearts and are wishing you only the best for a speedy recovery. Besides our special bond as Asian TS gals, we now share a bond as Meltzer girls too. It’s so cool that you have some one like Jen to love and support you. We all would like to have a relationship that you to have together. Enjoy the experience. It’s so wonderful to be living a life that we have dreamed about for so many years, Love Trisha.” 

When I finished reading that card, the tears began to pour out of my eyes and it went on for quite a while. My date with Dr. Meltzer would not have been possible without Jen in many ways. That card encapsulated so many emotions I have been dealing with over these past few days. I tend to keep cards for a very, very long time and this will be another that will be added to my collection. Thank you Trisha, for you have touched me in a way that is special. I hope one day we can meet instead of just chatting on the phone or email.

Jen and I sat down together and had dinner together. After dinner we went for another walk down the hall. To the same place in the hallway we went this afternoon during my second walk. 

Just before 7:00 PM Dr. Meltzer came by to see how I was doing. A quick look at my surgical site and he smiled with approval. I asked him why my results looked a bit different than Jen’s. He told me that each patient tends to be different in various ways and in my case the clitoris is not visible since it was hidden by the labia that are still sutured together. That means my clitoris is covered for now. I was thinking, if that clitoris is this sensitive now, it’s going to be a real problem when it’s exposed. In the next few days when the labia sutures are removed and we will find out how much of a problem will be.

When I asked him about the specifics of my procedure, he began to explain it to me, but again the words were a problem for me, so I asked him to draw me a picture. I got a pen and paper and he drew out what was done in my case. He told me that each case is different in some way and this is what makes this procedure technically interesting and challenging for him. Several years ago when I had an orchiectomy done, I was really concerned that it might be a problem when I get vaginoplasty done. I spent a fair amount of time and effort to research this to make sure it was not going to be a problem, and sure enough, it was not an issue at all. Getting an orchiectomy done several years earlier allowed me to deal with the legal aspect of my transition like getting my sex designator changed on my passport and etc. I also allowed me to figure out what mix of hormones works best for me and my feminization from hormones was better. So, in some ways, it was OK, but it really did not fix the physical incongruity problem I continued to struggle with for the next few years. We went on to chat about bicycle stuff, coffee and a few other things. We ended our chat and he went on to see his next patient. I’m going to keep that drawing Dr. Meltzer made for me as part of my stuff from this experience. Tomorrow the blood drains should be removed and I get my injection of Delestrogen (estradiol valerate, 30mg /14-21 days) and begin taking prometrium (200-400mg daily) again. Being back on hormones is going to be a very welcomed thing for me after being off them for a while as part of the prep for surgery.

I spent the rest of the evening doing bladder training, writing in my journal and watching TV with Jen. We went to sleep at just after 11:00 PM.

February 4, 2005
Post Op Day 3
More Stuff Removed, Freedom!

I slept sort of OK yesterday night, it was not as good as home, but far better than the previous nights. I got up at a little before 7:00AM and watched the sunrise outside the window in my room. The sunrise during this time of year is usual beautiful and today’s was no exception. Jen got up a little bit later and came over to say good morning with a kiss and hug. With a smile, “Good morning sweetie ” We sat around to chat a bit before breakfast arrived. At just a little after 8:00AM, breakfast arrived and we had our breakfast together. I ordered the yogurt parfait, scrambled eggs, fruit, toast and ice tea. Jen had Scrambled eggs, toast, yogurt parfait and orange juice. Today was drain removal day. This is a big deal as the drain bottles tend to get in the way of nearly everything you do. Nancy came in with the suture removal kit and told me she has to deal with another patient and will be back soon. I waited wondering what was about to happen. That entire area is a mix of sensitive and numb all at the same time. It feels like a total mix of sensations right now. Nancy came back and we got ready for the drain removal. Up went the bed and I rolled the covers down so she could get the deed done. Nancy asked me if it would be OK for a nursing student to watch, sure it’s educational. Nancy opened the vents on the drain bottles, moved them out of the way, opened the suture removal kit and got out the scissors. With a few snips on the retaining sutures and a tug, out came the first drain. I did not know what to expect so Nancy asked Jen if she remembered what this felt like; Jen said it was not a big deal. It stung a little as the drain was pulled out, but it was really not bad at all. The next one came out easier, it was almost painless. With the drains out, I took a moment to rest before getting out of bed to head for the bathroom. While I was in bed resting, Jen looked at me and said, “gapper.” Errr, yes I have a significantly wider pelvis than you do. We tend to compare stuff like this between us. I wanted to go to the potty and see if I can produce a BM. Sure enough, it happened. Simple as this seems, I was quite relieved this went OK with out any problems. I had moderate problem with gas, Jen had more problems with gas as things got back to working again. The next thing I really, really wanted to do was get a shower for the first time in DAYs! I got out of my hospital gown and into the shower. With Jen’s help, I got a nice warm shower for the first time in days. It’s hard to describe how good that first shower really feels like. I can assure you, it was special. I decided to put the hospital gown back on since Dr. Meltzer will be by later to do a quick exam and deal with anything I needed as part of the recovery process.

Jen looked out the window and noticed Dr.Meltzer’s car in the parking lot so he should be here shortly. At almost 11:00 AM, Dr. Meltzer came into my room and greeted us with his usual bright personality. We talked about how I was feeling and how the drain removal went. It was also the day I resumed hormones. The pre-ordered meds are 2.5 mg Premarin, I take 30mg of injected Estradial Valerate ( delestrogen) every 14 to 21 days, so asked Dr. Meltzer if he could get one of the nurses to give me a shot or should I do it? We talked about this yesterday and he thinks shots are a pain in the butt, literally. I would agree, but they work for me. Since I have the meds with me he simply ordered it on my chart so it would get done. We talked about a few other things before he went on his way to see his next patient.

A short time later, Nancy came in with my morning med in one those small paper cups. It was the usual assortment of antibiotics, stool softener, acidophilus except this time there were 4 0.625mg Premarin in the mix. I asked Nancy about this and asked her if Dr. Meltzer left an order for an injection of EV. She went back to the nurse’s station to check my chart and sure enough, there was the order from Dr. Meltzer. She came back and I handed her the vial of EV. I asked her to use two needles, one to draw and another to do the injection. Nancy told me this is the way she usually does this. Good, a nice sharp needle is far less painful than using the same needle to draw and inject. In short time, she came in with the meds in a syringe and was ready. I got out of bed and she stuck me with the syringe in the left bottom. It’s no more uncomfortable than usual. All I got to say was, the relief was instant. I was happy and beginning to feel right again. Later that day I took my 200 mg Prometrium a short time later. Things were getting back to normal for me on the hormone front. I got out of bed and took a walk around the halls with Jen. This time, I made it all the way around without problem. That felt great. BTW, 16 Laps equal one mile. We learned this from Debbie the last time were here. We planned to do more walking later today. Speaking of Debbie, she stopped by just to check in to see if we needed any thing. She is one of Dr. Meltzer's patient’s assistants. They can take you to places a reasonable distance away from Greenbaum or pick up stuff from a store you would like have. If could be something like a prescription for meds to a specific brand of ice cream you might be craving at the time.

Our therapist called yesterday to see how I was feeling and how Jen was doing with our role reversal. I was a bit surprise that Cynthia called me yesterday to see how I was doing. She asked me how I was feeling, I told her I’m so relieved that this is done and over with and I was surprise at how much better I felt even the first night post op. I gave her a quick up date on what has been happening, it’s basically a very condensed version of what I have been writing in this Journal. She was so happy that I was doing so well. I asked her if she wanted to chat with Jen for a while, yes, and I handed the phone to Jen. They chatted for a while before saying bye.

Cynthia has been our primary therapist since 1999 when I finally needed to seek good honest professional help with my gender issues. When I met Jen, It was a while later that I discovered she went to the same therapist. Cynthia has help both of us over the years with many issues that have come up including writing our primary surgery referral letter.

Several of Dr. Meltzer’s patients stopped by to chat with me for a while. Dr. Meltzer’s patients all have a small yellow sign on their door that says, “Visitors Welcome.” Or “Do not Disturb.”. If you are welcome to visitors, you leave the sign on your door stating this. If you don’t want visitors, you flip the sign over to the, “Do Not Disturb.” Side. Having visits from Dr. Meltzer’s other patients are a good thing. We spend time sharing our stories and making new connections. Interestingly, many of us know some one in common in some way. While this surgical procedure is an experience many of us will always remember, it is not by any means the final step, but a stop along the journey of our lives. Every one I have spoken to has much greater plans for their lives in the future. I know for Jen and me, there are cars to restore, food and wine to enjoy, places to visit, bike trips to complete, children to watch and help grow up ( Jen’s latest family member is Zack who is less than one month old), friends to spend time with, movies and films to enjoy, projects around the house and garden to complete, and this list goes on. The real difference is now we can do this as who we honestly are with without the need to hide any part of our innate personality and being emotionally connected with the world we live in. Being congruent is something most folks simply take for granted and it’s extremely difficult for those who are born congruent to even begin to understand what it’s like be born not congruent.

It’s really much about individual freedoms and not being judged by how you appear physically or having some one or society dictate your life to you based on measure of judgment.

Jen and I had lunch together and we went for another short walk after lunch. This time, It went just fine without incident.

Many of our days are spent taking about stuff or Jen watching TV and me listening to music and writing. There are the usual daily delivery of meds and taking of vitals and visits from Dr. Meltzer or members of his staff. While this facility is considered to e a hospital, it’s unlike any hospital in many ways. It’s more like a hotel, a name Trisha gave this place and it’s a good description for what it is. The rooms are generally quite when the health care stuff is not running. There have been times when we would take a walk in the halls late at night and the only thing you hear is the buildings ventilation system. In a typical hospital, there is always activity at all hours of the day. Many of the Greenbaum staff has worked at Scottsdale hospital just across the road. When they start working here for any amount of time, everyone I have spoken to wants to stay here. The place is low stress, patients generally great to deal with and the patients are generally healthy without many of the problems of typical hospital patients.

Mid afternoon Jen went out for a walk and I took a nap. Jen went back to the Holiday Inn to take care of some personal stuff and returned just before dinner. We had dinner together and took a walk around the halls. This time We did two times around and I felt good.

I got a delivery of flowers from one of my mom friends Helen Wong late in the afternoon. They were beautiful and smelled nice. Another gift to brighten up my room. Thank you Helen & Family.

I had a look at the TV in the room and figured out you can plug in the digital camera or DVD player. We plugged in the digital camera and looked at some pictures we have taken during our trip here. When we were done with the camera, the DVD player got connected and we watched an episode of Futurama and a film about the “Memphis Belle” a World War two B17 bomber, Jen and I both enjoy airplanes. After the videos I was feeling a bit tired from all the events of the day and decided to go to bed early. My evening meds arrived and I took them and said nightly night to Jen. She went back to the Holiday Inn and I lowered the bed and went to sleep. The time was just after 9:00 PM.