Goodbye Mom...I Love You Always

October 4, 2008

On a Thursday afternoon, I had a chance to visit mom after being away for quite a while. Knocked on the door. Dad soon answered, opened the door and I proceeded to my mom’s room where she was eating her noontime meal. I sat next to her and began to feed her rice with meat and some soup. When she was done, I took dishes out to the kitchen where dad was doing some washing and I proceeded back to visit spend time with mom. Over the years and months after her treatment for cancer, her health has been on a steady decline and grew in difficulty with each of my visits. Before I left, I gave mom a hug and kiss on the cheek as usual, but something was missing, her soul and sprit seemed far more distant than in previous time we hugged, something had changed, I said goodbye to dad with a hug. I had no idea this would be the last meal and moments we would share together…

Several days later, Diane called me late one afternoon to deliver the news that mom had passed. I was working on a design in CAD at the time, my mind went numb, my focus and concentration towards the design work shifted towards my memories of mom. The news did not really sink in until I got home a few hours later. Jen knew there was something wrong the moment I stepped in the door. She held me and asked what’s wrong, when I told her mom had passed and cried for a moment as Jen held me.

There is a mix of relief and deep sadness with my mom’s passing. Relief that her daily effort and suffering in this life is done, sad as I have now lost the parent who cared for me in so many ways. My earliest memories of mom go back when she was diapering me, singing a tune as she heated up my bottle. There were many naps we took together and as I started school, she was always there to care for me. Even during the times when our family struggled to survive, she always managed to find a way to take care of me in ways only she could.

When our family immigrated to America, a few of the words I remember mom telling us, “The fruits in Gold Mountain does not taste the same as where we are from.” Mom knew that immigrating to the America meant giving up her life in Hong Kong after narrowly escaping the Japanese invasion of China during world war two. Our family struggle those initial years San Francisco’s Chinatown. As years passed, our family was fortunate enough purchase a home in the Richmond district due the hard work of my other family members. At times, mom seemed totally unreasonable, yet in her own way, she had our families futures in mind beyond our daily struggle to survive. Mom was the bond that held our family together.

For reasons no know to me, mom never really imposed any significant expectations upon me, she simply allowed me to slowly discover who I was and my place in life. She was always there to love and support me and provided stability in my life, which allowed me to learn and grow. Our life’s experiences what ever they might be are from the gift of life our parents have given us. Mom has given me the greater gift of allowing me to discover, become and accept me for who I am in this journey of life. Mom continues to live in my memories of her and the gifts that she has given me in my lifetime. Thank you mom, for giving me the gift of life, allowing me to be me and always being there to support and love me in ways only you can.

Cleaning Out The Closet

Earlier this month, we got a card requesting donations of clothing and such.. So like every year, I started to clean out my closet pulling out stuff that I have not worn in quite a while, worn too much, no long fit and clothes that should have been long gone. One of my favorite past time is to head go shopping for clothes. Two of my favorite places to find stuff are Loemann’s, and Nordies.

Recently Kenneth Cole ran a cover AD with Nina Poon who is a trans woman.
http://www.kennethcole.com/home/index.jsp

Nina’s Story;
http://www.kennethcole.com/content/index.jsp?page=advertising/bio4.aspx&h=550&w=898

I was pretty impressed with KC for running this AD featuring Nina. There is another transwoman, Isis, currently on America’s Next Top Model. The media release says they discovered Isis in a homeless shelter, no specifics of history has been released yet, but I suspect she is one of many, many gender different youth that has been abandoned by un-accepting family. We might learn more about Isis’s history in time. Transwomen models are not new. They have been part of the fashion scene for a while. Tula, once an 80’s Bond Girl and working model is just one of the notables in the world of fashion models. It’s not surprising that there would be some focus towards transwoman as fashion models. Some of the basic requirements for behind a serious working, “super model” height, 5’8” or taller, about 120 pounds, confident about their femininity, not much more than 20 years old and etc…. The physical requirements of height alone exclude the vast majority of women. I believe the weight requirement is too low for a host of reasons. It turns out this is what looks good on the runway and photographs well. Regardless, it’s great to see openly public transwoman become this successful in the fashion world. A page has turned in the world of fashion.

As for my closet, it turns out I have a bent towards “Designer Clothes”. Some of the “Designers” that I like; Anne Kline, Calvin Kline, Jones New York, Ralph Lauren, Donna Karan & DKNY, Nicole Miller, Elie Tahari, Malo, D&G, and… Of the clothes from Europe, I like many designers from Italy, the French tend to be a bit over the top for my taste, but the French really know how to make Lingerie that I like.

Better quality, less trendy clothes can be more timeless and durable, but quality women’s clothes cost more and this is one of the considerations that enter into my purchase choices.

Then there are the Italian / Brazil / EU shoes. It turns out another thing the Italians do really well are making and designing shoes for women. Like a lot of things, you get what you pay for in many ways.

Can’t say I’m really into purses. Many women are deep into purses and they can be a status symbol for women. I usually go for something that matches what I’m wearing.

Recently I discovered a Jovovich-Hawk dress a Loemann’s that I had to have which got me curious as to who this designer might be, It turns out, they are quite the fashion success story..

I have also learned over the years that being a tallish woman has its advantages when it comes to fashion. There are many things that simply look better on a tallish woman and I’m guessing it comes from the models that are typically 5’8” and taller. I have a number of women friends who are less than 5’4” and they tell me many times how they wished they were my height. My problem with getting many things to fit are boobage, they are just a bit bigger than what most clothes are cut for. If I go up a size, many times the proportions are wrong. The waist and bottom gets too big and it simply sits on my body wrong. Length is usually not a problem for me as nearly everything I try on ends up at about the right length. Being a current size USA 8-10 (it’s never accurate and varies by style, designer and etc), which is a very typical and common size and sought after. This can make shopping challenging due to the popularity of this size range.

There was a time when I avoided wearing heels due to my height, but even that is changing. There are social and fashion driven reasons why women wear heals the way they do. There was a study done recently that shows many professional women will put on a pair of “power heels” for an important meeting. Its one of the ways women increase their sense of power by using height.

Over the years, I have cultivated a fashion sense that fits me and what I wear has now become such an expression of me on any given day. This is one of the fun and interesting aspects of what women wear, it really is an extension of who they are in many, many ways.

Fall and winter is near and I’m going to do a few more rounds of shopping for these seasonal clothes. Gosh, I spend too much $$$$$ on clothes…

The Real Value Of Our Technological History

September 1, 2008

I had a chat with a friend / college who works at General Electric Nuclear Energy division who has been working there as a contractor for the past few years. Since the time he started, GEN got a new regional manager who got the brilliant idea of moving the entire operation to NC against the wishes of the vast majority of the staff. Adding insult to injury, he instated many oppressive requirements for all staff and just about anyone working there. It was not surprising that some of their most important staff members got fed up and moved. Keep in mind many of these engineers and scientists are not easily or replaceable as much of what they know is no longer taught in colleges or universities due to the public perception that nuclear power is evil and bad. The current crop of management graduates view human resources as nothing more than just a number and commodity which is why management treats staff and employees as a replaceable and disposable item. GEN recently bid on two power plants in TX and they lost the bid to Westinghouse. Losing this bid caused GEN’s partner Hitachi to investigate why this happened. Hitachi Japanese management was not pleased to discover what this district manager did while he was in charge over the past few years. He was fired on the spot by Hitachi management after Hitachi management figured out what happened. Hitachi now has big mess to deal with as the most important members of their staff got hired away by a French Nuclear Energy company or Westinghouse Nuclear. Once the French Nuclear Energy Company head about what was happening at GEN, they opened up a facility where these folks wanted to live, gave them a raise and bonus and they now work for the French.. It will be interesting to see if GEN can even bid on any new plant construction since they have lost the ability to design a nuclear power plant. They still have existing contracts to keep them busy for a while, but that won’t last forever. IMO, General Electric Nuclear division’s days are numbered… GEN is not alone in this technical brain drain. Hewlett Packard, Tektronix, Eastman Kodak, and many other cooperation are dumping their seasoned and experienced staff and replacing them with less expensive personnel and you see the results of this in the products they produce and sell. HP printers and instrumentation that were once considered a good, high quality product with real value and customer support has now been reduced to disposable junk. There is talk that HP might get out of the printer business due to competition. So much for Bill Hewlett’s efforts that got HP into the printer business. Tektronix now builds disposable instrumentation that is not user repairable, no service documentation, no parts support just warranty and if it stops working post warranty, ya throw it away. My Kenwood car CD player lasted 30 days post warranty before the rear channels quit and some of the front panel controls no longer work. It’s not repairable and the fix is to “get a new one”. The original SAAB / Clarion unit lasted for over 10 years. Speaking of SAABs, my 1991 9000 turbo has almost 330,000 miles on it. Everything works and is repairable, durable and properly designed. I would drive this car cross country with no worries as it has been properly maintained since I purchased it in 1994 from the original owner. They simply don’t build SAABs like this anymore. It was a dark day when GM got partial ownership of SAAB. Another once great engineering company with sound long tern values now builds up market disposable cars. No wonder why SAABs are not selling very many cars these days. To make things worst, GM fired and got rid of many significant staff members to “cut cost”. I suspect SAAB no longer has the creative and engineering ability it once had which will add to the companies demise. It’s all part of the disposable, consumable product ideology where a product sells on perceived need and marketing rather than actual value to the customer and meeting their real needs. Fact is, the throwaway capitalist driven society and culture is not sustainable over the long run. Growth is not endless, yet constant growth is at the core of the capitalist model for economic growth. The current world human population is about 6.4 billion and one must wonder how the earth’s resources could continue to support this population and beyond. The disposable and built in obsolesce ideology is not sustainable plan and simple. The knowledge and specific expertise individuals have should be preserved and respected and properly utilized by future generations.

Same Sex Marriage in CA

Well, today the California Supreme Court ruled that Same Sex Marriage IS legal and the definition of marriage is not limited to a "Man and Woman".

It was not too long ago when it was illegal in the state of California for inter-racial couples to marry. That law was struck down not too long ago also.

Historically, marriage was more about property rights, perpetuation of the family name and wealth and little if anything about love. Much of Jane Austen's work is about love, wealth and marriage.

Honestly, I was truly surprised by the CA Supreme Court's ruling that same sex marriage is unconstitutional. This is a historically significant day for the LGBTI community indeed.

I must mention Shannon Minter, the legal director for the National Center for Lesbian Rights who argued with such convincing passion before the Supreme Court on behalf of 14 same-sex couples. I honestly believe his testimony made a significant difference in the out come of this case. Shannon Minter is also a Trans Man and I feel much of the LGBTI community owes a word of thanks to Shannon for his passion and commitment to uphold the legal rights of the LGBTI community. His achievement is just another in the long list of contributions to culture and society that many other gender different individuals have given to the world we live in.

There are those who oppose same sex marriage for what ever reason. The majority of these individuals do so based on religious interpretation by their religious leaders of their time. Much this opposition is based on fear and ignorance. They claim same sex marriage devalues their opposite sex marriage, when in fact how could this be? Are they really saying that same sex couples are "not as good or as valuable as opposite sex couples"? They oppose same sex marriage based on pro-creation, fact is, many, many opposite sex couples are unable to conceive children. These religious leaders have used the FEAR card and a means to unite their kind against other not like them. It should also be noted that many of these religious folks have a higher divorce rate than same sex couples.

There is also the core problem of defining what is a Man or what is a Woman? Not so simple....Not black and white....

So, does this mean there will be wedding bells for Jen and I, well, maybe.. just maybe..Oh! yea, I'm pretty happy about the Supreme Court ruling...It's about time.

Surprise Gift

I visited my folks to day to see how they were doing. Dad's health is good, but mum is not well. She has reached a point where her mobility is limited, sleeps most of the time and her overall energy level is not good. I did what I could to comfort her during my visit.

After giving my dad a hug, he presented me with a precious white opal ring much to my surprise. I did not want to accept it at fist, but he insisted and I tried it on my ring finger. It was a bit small (likely a size 7.5) to fit past my knuckle. If I pressed a bit, I'm certain the ring would go on my finger except it would be a tight fit and I did not want to take a chance of not being able to get this ring off. A slight re-size and this ring should fit fine. The precious white opal stone is about 12mm long x 9mm wide, quite iridescent and colorful dependent on viewing angle and set in a simple oval gold ring. Pretty! This is also my birth stone and the first honestly feminine gift from my dad. I have never been much of a ring wearer in the past. I never wore my wedding band after the day we were married. I will very likely wear this ring in the future as remembrance of my dad's first girly gift to me. This is one gift to cherish in my future.

Gender Different Youth

Gender Different Youth
March 16, 2008

"Your Children are not Your Children"

They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

© Kahlil Gibran, 1923, 1973.


There have been a number of violent deaths involving gender different youth in the news recently and another story about a child in Colorado who is attending school as who she knows herself to be. I have mentioned elsewhere in my Blog that there will likely come a day when those who transition gender later in life will become a rarity and those who transition gender before puberty will become the norm. There are parents who feel the need to impose themselves, their ability to control, their dreams, their wishes in life upon their children as expectations and never really allow their children to discover who they really are and allow them to fully develop their in-born gifts. The poem above illustrates a bit of wisdom about children from a different place and time, regardless, these words still hold true to this day and should be words parents should consider when relating to their children gender different or not.

It seems gender different children suffer from great difficulties in their daily lives simply trying to just be who they really are. They face, ridicule, harassment from their peers and parents, at times various forms of physical violence and even death as a result of physical violence or suicide. It is no surprise that gender different youth have a very high suicide rate due to the difficulties in life. Their lives grow increasingly more difficult if their parents fail to support who they simply need to be, and not who they are expected to be. Many children feel the need please their parents, which puts very difficult stressed on children to meet their parent’s demands or expectations. For those gender different youth that are fortunately well supported by their parents, they have the best chance to find happiness in life, and well knowing they have the love and support of their parents and their parents will always be there from them. The lives of gender different youth who don’t have good support from their parents or disapproval or become dis-owned many times end up on the streets living the street culture and often find a path into sex work as a means of food and shelter, it’s a matter of survival for these kids.

It is time for parents to accept the fact their children can be born gender different and there are ways to help their gender different children to grow up as who they are meant to be and develop all the gifts they were born with to share with the society and culture they live in.

I attended the 3rd Annual Transgender Leadership Summit this weekend. It was wonderful to meet and chat with long time friends in the gender community and meeting some new faces too. The times when the topic of gender different youth came up in casual conversation, the conversation became more serious and those I spoke with share their experiences of helping gender different youth. It still amazes me to hear how these gender different youth have the courage to simply be “out” before their teens and the challenges they face living this way. Social conformity is and can be a very cruel thing, yet, these youth feel so compelled to simply be who they need to be and are honest about living this way. Their parents should be given an award for supporting their children to this degree.

While the social aspects of gender different youth are just one of the man challenges they face, the prospect of puberty is a much more daunting one. Delaying puberty required medical intervention, a procedure that is stepping in the world of unknown for the vast majority of health care providers. Doctors like Norman Spack, M.D were ridiculed by his fellow colleges when he initially dove into the world of treating gender different children with sex hormone blockers and cross sex hormone therapy. About one year later, that same group of colleges asked Dr. Norman Spack to help write protocols for the hormonal management of gender different children.

There was a time when it was believed gender variance in children is a passing phase and in time, their minds, heart and soul will grow into their physical bodies, some do, but many don’t. It is time for the health care profession to come to a realization that gender different youth are very capable of deciding what they need regarding medical intervention. While parents are legally responsible for the health and welfare of their children, denying medical procedures that can make a HUGE difference in the lives of these gender different children can easily cause more harm to then over time. Medical intervention to delay puberty in gender different youth is no longer considered medical quackery, medical experimentation or ineffective. It has been proven to make a very significant difference in the lives of gender different children.

Here is an article that appeared in the SF Chronicle a while ago
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2006/08/27/MNGL2KQ8H41.DTL

And a good video about trans Youth, “Out Of The Shadows”
http://www.transactiveonline.org/

Health Net, Not health Care

February 24, 2008

There was a recent news story about a Breast cancer patient, Patsy Bates who was dropped from Health Net’s health care insurance policy when Health net discovered it was less of a finical burden to deny cancer treatment of this patient. This patient sued, and while she recovered $750,00 dollars for her claim, the judge, Sam Cianchetti leveled a penalty of 8.9 million dollars as punitive judgment against Health Net. I’m not happy about the lawyers getting 8.9 million dollars for this case, but I do feel the punitive judgment against Health Net should come from the personal finical funds of all those involved in the decision to drop this patient from health care coverage and the majority of this judgment coming from Health Net Chief Executive Jay Gellert.

Nataline Sarkisyan, the 17 year old who died from a decision not cover the cost of a liver transplant by Cigna HealthCare due to what they consider as procedure was experimental and outside the scope of coverage only to approve coverage shortly after a mass protest from health care workers and doctors at UCLA. Their decision to approve funding came hours after Nataline died.

Blue Cross sent out a letter to the doctors who are part of their network to disclose their health conditions so Blue Cross could decide if coverage should be denied or if the specific patient could be dropped from health care coverage. Basically, Blue Cross wants all health care providers to violate the agreement of trust between patient and doctor.

Arnold Swartz_Hummer wants to make the process of applying for Medi-Care more complex and burdened with government bureaucracy to prevent individual in need of care from getting it in an effort to save money. It was not long ago when Swartz_Hummer wanted to provide universal coverage for all who live in California. Hypocrite! Like every other politician who survives who are products of political Darwinism.

The California Department of Managed care, seems to be powerless to do anything about this kind of cruel cooperate behavior, if anything, they seem to encourage this specific kind of behavior rather than prevent and hold these health care providers accountable and responsible for what they do. From my personal experience with DHMC, they are a bunch of buffoons and paper pushers with no interest in the well being of health insurance /HMO subscribers.

Every one of these individuals share no personal responsibility for their cooperate or government actions and or cares about what happens to the well being or health of society as a whole. It seems that they are concerned about is making gobs of dollars or saving more dollars. The USA spends lots of money on the health car system only to receive poor ratings for actual health care provided when compared to other developed countries in the world. Fact is, the health care system in the USA is simply broken. A good part of the blame falls directly on the shoulders of lawyers. They have encouraged patients to sue at times for un-reasonable problems that were the part of the course of treatment. On the other hand, lawyers are well justified in supporting the rights of patients in the case of Health Net where they choose to drop a cancer patient from health care coverage. IMO, the settlement should have come directly from the personal wealth of every individual in the decision tree who set up, “find a reason to drop any member and receive a reward for this effort.” I’m pretty sure lawyers are why a friend who is a facial surgeon pays $90,000 each year for mal-practice insurance, that was back in the early 1980’s. Doctors and other health care providers appear to be en-slaved by greedy robber baron management, investors, CEOs and government.

The lack of balance is the real problem here. There are health care providers that are for profit like Health Net, Blue Cross and others who simply see this as another business that must grow and produce a profit number that meets investor expectations. These CEO’s hold no personal responsibility or is affected in any real way by how they treat their health insurance members, which is one of the primary reasons why they are so disconnected from their actions, and most always driven by greed and desire. Regardless of what their actions might be, they will receive their “golden dollars retirement” which many times are in the millions of dollars. As vindictive as this sounds, it might be good for these CEO’s to suffer from some sort of chronic health condition and denied coverage to treat it due to their policymaking. These individuals have become the modern version of the robber barons of the past. How little humanity has grown up or matured.

It is no wonder why health insurance companies generally refuse to cover gender related health care. It always comes down to dollars and where they can make a profit. All this is pretty similar to management making engineering design decisions where they have no expertise in these areas; it almost always results in a disaster. There is nothing to hold these individuals responsible or accountable for their actions and the way government is currently setup, it seems to encourage this repulsive behavior of these morally bankrupt CEO’s and management.