Day 6, Packing out, the Rash Cough & Sneeze, A visitor

February 7, 2005
Post Op Day 6
Packing out, the Rash Cough & Sneeze, A visitor

It all started out as a quite morning with a call from Cheryl from Dr. Meltzer’s office. She said, “I’m on my way over to remove your packing and begin dilation. Jen has not arrived from the hotel yet and I still wanted to get some more rest, so Cheryl did this with my neighbor and I waited until the afternoon. I had began to break out in a rash due to some drug allergy, we were not certain what it was, so we dropped just about everything I have been taking, a COX-2 inhibitor (anti inflammatory, pain relief) oral antibiotics, stool softener. We dropped the COX-2 inhibitor, antibiotics and stayed on the other two. But the rash was still growing and getting itchy. This was aggravated by me catching the sniffles sneezing and coughing along with being a bed more than I should.

I had breakfast by the window enjoying the flowers and blue Scottsdale sky. Jen arrived at just a bit after 10:30 AM. We sat around the little table to chat for a while.

My friend Dr. Lauren flew in from LA on Friday with the intention to visit us while we were at the Greenbaum hotel, but she came down with the sniffles and a severe back ache. She had spent the past few days in her hotel room recovering from this and today she was finally feeling good enough to come by to visit. She also wanted to make sure she was not going to pass on her sniffles to me which can slow my recovery. Dr. Lauren arrived in my room at just before noon while Jen and I were having lunch together. Dr. Lauren is a dentist from LA also TS, that I have know for several years and the four of us (including our surgeon friend Dr. KRC). The four of us has taken many trips together and we had planned to all meet here in Scottsdale, but Dr. KRC was not able to make it.

Cheryl arrived in my room around 12:30 PM with my set of dilators, a small douche kit, some special soap, and care instruction sheet.

We had Cheryl, Jen, Dr. Lauren and me in the room for my grand opening. Before we began we got into a discussion of penetration (sex) for most genetic females not being an experience they are usually I control of. Most women lose their virginity to a male during the first time and never really have a chance to learn about their bodies and what it feels like to be penetrated by a man before that. I have despise the way some men in many societies treated women and their female bodies as nothing more than a baby machines and their servants for their pleasure and only there to meet their needs, both physical and emotional. I do consider myself a Feminist, but not like any of the extreme radical feminist on like Janice Raymond (wrote “The Transsexual Empire” More here; http://www.transhistory.org/history/TH_Janice_Raymond.html) variety.

Women should have total ownership of their bodies and what they wish to do with them is by their choice, not dictated by someone else.

Cheryl and I had a few more words regarding these women’s issues before my un-packing got underway.

I rolled the sheets back and Cheryl lowered the top portion of the bed and raised it to a good working level. She opened the suture removal kit. Jen was at one corner of the room taking pictures and Dr. Lauren was sitting near by enough to watch.

It stung with sharp pain as the sutures holding my labia were removed (I stopped even my pain meds in an effort to try and figure out what was causing my rash, so I did this with no help from any meds). After a few moments, all the sutures were out. Cheryl looked at me for a moment once this was done. We stopped for just a moment before the packing from my vagina was removed, or un-wound. This is one of the things every post-op woman talks about. The feeling is unlike anything in ones daily experience. Cheryl picked up the open end of the packing and began to gently tug on the packing. This felt like a moving, but decreasing diameter bowel movement. The packing felt like went on for a very long time. As the packing was nearly completely removed, I felt like involuntary bowel movement was going to happen, but it did not. That was one of the most unusual feelings and experiences I have ever had. Once the packing was out, I took a moment to rest before she does a pelvic exam to make sure my new vagina does not have any problems going to the next step of dilatation.

We took a moment to do a female anatomy lesson; it was also the first time I got to see what my new parts look like with a mirror in hand. While everything was still very swollen, bruised and traumatized. All the basics were there. I was pretty amazed with what I saw; it left me with a smile.

Cheryl put on a new glove while I lay back on the bed to relax. She coated her gloved hand with Surgi Lube and slowly inserted her fingers into my vagina checking for problems. Once this was done and cleared for dilatation, we began. Cheryl got out the #1 dilator. These are hard clear plastic stents with a slight curve near the tip of the stent designed to clear the pubic bone. She coated the stent with Surgi lube and began the dilatation by putting her gloved and lubricated finger in my vagina to get the stent started. Knowing how muscles work and me having some degree of PC muscle control, I gave a PC muscle a big squeeze, held it for a few moments then let go so that muscle would be relaxed enough for the stent to enter. Cheryl held my hand in hers as we proceeded to insert the stent into my vagina. There was definitely resistance from the PC muscle, it hurt a bit and that pain wants to make you contract that muscle. I knew if I contracted that PC muscle, that we would never get that stent in. So, I did what I could to relax that PC muscle instead. Within a few moments, that stent was sliding into my vagina with out too much effort. I got just a bit over 6 inches of depth, in the neo vagina world, that is more than fine. We slowly removed the stent and Cheryl wanted me to do a dilatation on my own. I looked at her, “sure.” I have watched Jen do this countless times since October. The only real difference this time was the tip of the stent is coated with a ring of Bacitracin, an antibiotic cream and the remaining length of the stent is coated with surgi lube. Cheryl prepared the stent for me and I put the stent in my hand, “now, you do it.” Easy enough, I put some surgi lube on the tip of my finger and used the hand mirror to locate the entrance of my vagina by sight and feel, once I located the opening, I gave the PC muscle a big squeeze and let go so it would relax. I took that stent and gently inserted it into my vagina. There was the usual pain upon entry, but I knew to relax and once that was done, the sent went in the full length. Cheryl smiled at me.

For those who are reading this and might think or get any notion that this is sexually fun or exciting, it’s not. At times it can be painful and not the most comfortable thing to do to yourself, but it’s part of the self maintained all post vaginoplasty women deal with. You get to do this 5 times a day for at least 15 minutes, 3-5 hours apart for the first day, and then it becomes less as your body learns to take care of what has been surgically created. The size of the stent is increased as time passes with daily dilatation to enlarge the vagina. A #1 stent is one inch in diameter and#5 is just under two inched in diameter. If you don’t dilate, you risk losing your neo vagina due to shrinkage.

I quickly got a lesson and appreciation of what it means to a woman when she is being penetrated by a man and many of the emotions and feelings associated with this. This was all a very woman to woman experience.

One of the most interesting experiences I have ever had was during the time when I would hold Jen’s hand as she did this at the Greenbaum hotel, I could feel what she was experiencing and feeling as she dilated. It was as if we were connected in some special way. What I found amazing, during my own dilatations, the feelings and sensations were nearly identical to what I felt when I held Jen’s hand. It still happens to this day.

Over the past few days post op, it was as if someone flipped a switch in my brain to, “now you have a female body, and all the connections are right.” That is pretty much how I feel now after today’s experience. It just all feels so right now and what I was born with is very rapidly becoming a faded forgotten memory. There had been research into the science of brain mapping, this is where your brain has a map of your body to help it locate where things are, like hand, fingers, leg, eye, etc. This map is what the brain uses to help it interact with the body. Now you would think having my male genitals totally reconfigured would require some time for this brain map to reconfigure. It did not; the connection was nearly instant like if this is what my genitals should have always been since I was born. I wish more scientific studied were done on this topic.

With the grand opening and first dilatations done, Cheryl packed up her stuff and we got the room cleaned up. Dr. Lauren, Jen and I decided to have an early dinner at Oregano's pizza across the street. We have a ½ chicken pesto, ½ veggie, and extra thin crust. The Pizza a great and we took a short drive around Old Scottsdale before heading back to the Greenbaum hotel. It was time for me to dilate (have a date as I would say to Jen).

We missed Dr. Meltzer today as we were all out for a meal. When I got back to my room, I did my post-op chore of dilating at the specific times. But my coughs, sneezes and rash were getting worst. I have been given some Hydrocortisone cream to help with the itching from my rash and applied some just before going to bed and getting ready for the only time I dilate at 3 AM. I got two hours of sleep before I had to get out of bed from the itching rash. I was quite tired from all the events of the day. I knew scratching would make it worst, so I hopped into the shower and washed up. Then put on my bath robe and went to the nurses station for some Bendryl. I took two and that helped a bit, but not enough to completely control the itching complexly. I got my last dilatation done and tried to go back to sleep without success.

The next morning I was tired and that rash was getting worst and the cough and sneeze was all stressing me out and making me quite tired. Too tired to do any writing, all I was really able to do is deal with the itching rash and dilation.