Nici Day 5

February 6, 2005
Post Op Day 5
Quite, Relaxed and Basically Uneventful

I Slept pretty well yesterday night with the help of a few Ambien. It was not until just a bit after 7:00AM before I really got going. I have not been feeling that well since yesterday, I’m running a slight temperature this morning so, I’m planning to do a moderate amount of walking around and not over do anything. I went over to the chair by the window and looked out into old Scottsdale town and all the various vintage buildings everywhere in the light of the morning sun and began thinking about all the events in my life that has brought me here. It’s been a long and amazing journey for me with so many individuals who have been part of this journey that have helped me along the way. Several years ago a small group of us spent a lot of time together on an email group list helping each other figure out our gender issues. There was a time when we as a group were so close and helpful to each other, it was a family. I will always remember those individuals who made such a difference in our lives during such a difficult time. While the group has pretty much faded into our past, the connections and experiences are still in our memories. Nearly everyone from that group has moved on with their lives and has found inner peace and a place for herself. I decided to contact a few of our old list members to share my Scottsdale journey with them. How do you thank those how have help you thru one of the most difficult times of my life, when family, friends and those whom you believed loved and cared about you have turned their back on you and walked away when you needed them most. The most amazing discovery I made during that time, was there are those who honestly care and are willing to help me during a time when I needed emotional support most. It is most amazing to me to find love does exist and where it came from. I will be forever grateful to all of those who opened up their hearts to me in my time of greatest need.

My breakfast arrived after I took a few solo laps around the halls of the Greenbaum hotel. I spent a few moments on the small patio located outside the two glass doors near the waiting area. As I looked out towards the main Scottsdale hospital and the streets below, I began to wonder what the future holds for Jen and me.

I stopped by my neighbors room who was Dr. Meltzer’s morning VAG patient. Her name is S*, she is from New York and like me, has been struggling with her gender issues for most of her life. Her brother mortgaged his house to help her pay for the cost of this surgery. His brother suffers from HIV and recently hurt his back they are both so worried that if he loses his job, he could lose his home over this. So, they are both under a lot of stress dealing with this.

As she was telling me her story, I began to think of the cost of this surgery and what Dr. Meltzer has done to keep this as affordable for those who honestly require this procedure. This topic came up in an email from one of my TS sisters. I’m going to copy that email and change the identities rather than write the same thing again.

~~Your writings give me a renewed sense of gratefulness and appreciation for all that have made it possible for me (and TS’s collectively) be able to achieve the congruency that others take for granted.

*That is so true, others take what appears to be so basic and simple for granted so easily. For many of us, what appears to be such a simple thing can become a life or death struggle that has affected nearly ever aspect of or lives since the day we where born. Surgery is only part of what I consider rehabilitation, the more important thing is what we do with our lives when we are done with this. Can we honestly move on and make our contribution to the good of humanity and use all that we learned along the way to make a difference in our lives and the lives of others.

A big part is Dr. Meltzer and staff. One time when discussing xx decision on GRS surgeons she mentioned that Dr. Meltzer’s prices were excessive. The implication was that he took advantage of our needs and was money hungry. Wow… did my defenses kick in. The more I’ve interacted and learned about Dr. M, xx’s statement couldn’t be further from the truth. With his talent and bedside manner, he could make a ton of money if this was important to him… but it is not. For others to have the perception of him being money, hungry, upsets me. Oh well, I guess those of us that get to know him and his business can see and feel the truth, so at least that’s a consolation.

*Wow! You want to talk about pushing my buttons..

* I think I know Dr. Toby Meltzer a bit better and a bit closer than most of his other patients. I have spent time and more than one dinner at Ernesto's with his uncle who had a HUGE influence on Toby's interest as a doctor and surgeon. It took Toby a few years to decide this was his calling and with the surgical skills, training, and experience he has, it would be very easy for him to be doing something else. Believe me, it's not the money from this practice that keeps him doing this, he honestly has an interest for the well being of his patients and it's the humanity he cares about. I know and believe to be true with all my heart, it's based on everything not related to his practice in Scottsdale, but members of Toby's family that I have met.

*Toby has not increased his cost for this procedure for many years, He knows that many of his patients are struggling so hard to afford this procedure and he does all he can to keep the cost of this procedure as low as possible while maintaining a level of care he considers acceptable. If you look at your billing and cost break down, you will discover most of the cost is in the Scottsdale health care unit, not Toby.

*My long time, now semi retired surgeon friend has spent a lot of time with Toby, thinks very highly of Toby's skills as a surgeon and attitude towards his patients. She does not feel this way about many other surgeons who perform this specific procedure. She was at a presentation with Dr. S__ a few years ago and she was very critical of what he spoke about and challenged him more than once during his presentation on what he was doing surgically. It's difficult to fool a surgeon who has been practicing general and emergency surgery for over 30 years. Dr. KRC was an encounter Dr. S__ remembers well.

*In the long run, I would choose the most experienced and best facility and staff for this procedure. What you might save in the short run is really so insignificant in the over the course of your lifetime. Even my primary care doc. that sees post-ops each and every day like Toby's work best. I think that says a whole lot and more than enough for me.

*I do not know of one Meltzer girl who has any regrets. I know a lot of Meltzer girls recent and many years post op that share this opinion.

*I don't think the trans and Intersex community knows or really appreciated how lucky we are to have Toby as a doctor, surgeon, and humanitarian to take care of us.

Dr. Stanley Biber one of the most well know VAG surgeons of Trinity Colorado (he has done near 6000 VAG surgeries before being forced to retire due to insurance), now retired. He has shared his years of experience doing this procedure with a few other surgeons. What he said is required for a doctor and surgeon to be competent and successful at doing this specific procedure is, proper surgical skills, proper training and most of all, heart and caring for your patients. When I think about the attitude of the health care education system and profession regarding the specific health care needs of those who are born trans or intersex, I’m totally appalled. This is current reality to this very day. My ob/gyn at Kaiser told me she had no training or education regarding the specific health care needs of those who are born transsexual during her medical school training. But, there was something different about her, she was willing to learn and work with me on my specific health care needs. Over the next few years, she would do what was within her ability and limits of the KP health care system to get my health care needs met. She was one of the few KP doctors I have met over the years that I felt good about.

I returned to my room and had breakfast near my room’s window and had a chance to enjoy the morning sun beaming into my room. I was not feeling all that well this morning and was running a very slight temperature. Julie, my nurse for today came in to change my bed and take my vitals. I was running a temperature of just over 99 degrees. Julie said not to worry about, you body has been thru a lot. She went back to the nurse’s station and returned with two Tylenol along with my other daily meds. Down went the pills with gulp pf water. I sat at the table near the window waiting for Jen to arrive. I was still coughing a sneezing a bit this morning ad not feeling all that great, so I decided to keep today rather low stress. Coughing or sneezing hurts, your whole bottom already feels tight with all the sutures in place, but when you add coughing or sneezing, it adds to the sense of tightness and hurts a bit.

Jen arrived at just before noon, we gave each other a hug and kiss. During this embrace, I ask Jen if you realize what you have done for me. Jen, I can’t really get inside your head, I could never really know what you are feeling, but I did what I could for you. That resulted in another emotional moment before we sat down to chat for a while before going out for a walk in the halls of Greenbaum.

We did a few laps around the halls and I got back in bed to rest and ice pack the surgical area. When you go out for a walk, it traumatizes the area and you get increased bruising and swelling. So, most of us tend to ice pack the area after any significant activity. This helps to reduce the swelling helps that area feel better. I took a short nap and when I woke up, I felt my slight fever was passing and rested from the earlier activity.

Sundays at the Greenbaum hotel are amazingly quite. There were two patients here on Sunday, Me and neighbor, S. There were two nurses on duty, Julie and Charlotte, and house keeper Ana.

I called Barbara on the phone to chat for a little bit. She told me that the book on lives transfolk is nearly done, it’s down to the last 4 chapters but David has not been feeling well these past few days. She hopes the last 4 chapters can be done before March. Later that day, she emailed me part of the unedited draft of the first few pages from the book. It was the intro and the Story of JoAnne Ketley and Clarence. JoAnne is in charge of the UCSF study program of HIV in transgender women, primarily sex workers who have been abandoned by friends and family. We have known each other for a number of years and we have shared out stories over time. Knowing JoAnne’s story is one thing, reading her story in the book was something quite different. I sent an email back to Barbara telling her I like the story, Jen liked the story too. I’m getting excited to read the book when it’s finally published.

Jen went out and found some freshly roasted Kenya AA coffee beans from The Coffee Bean in Scottsdale and she made some coffee with those beans. The coffee was good, this was far easier than bringing our own coffee beans like what we did during our trip here in October 2004.

After enjoying our coffee, I took a shower and washed my hair for the first time in days. I had washed my hair the day before surgery with a lot conditioner knowing it will be a while before I have the chance to wash my hair again. The extra conditioner and braiding of my hair for the first few days when I was here worked out just fine. Finally being able to wash my hair and taking another shower really felt good.

We went for another walk around the hall just before lunch arrived. Our lunch plates arrived shortly after we returned from our walk and we had lunch together on the little table in front of the window. Along the way, I shared the copy from Barbara’s book with Julie and Charlotte. They were both touched by what was written. I shared some pictures of Jen and I from time when Jen had surgery. All those pictures brought back memories for all of us.

The rest of the day was pretty relaxed; I was still dealing with a slight bit of fever (slightly over 99 degrees) , so we decided to stay in Greenbaum for the rest of the day until was feeling better.

I spent most of the afternoon resting in bed, while Jen went out for a walk. Jen has been spending most of here days here walking and discovering new places in Scottsdale when she is not with me at Greenbaum.

Dr. Meltzer stopped by mid afternoon while I was taking a light nap. He appeared with his scrubs and bike clothes underneath. He was in to check on how I was doing. Another quick exam of the surgical area, all appeared to be OK. I told him I was running a slight fever, and he said, “not to worry. This should pass soon.” We started another conversation about cycling. He mentioned one day he would like to get a bike that is made to measure. I told him, bike fit is the most important thing when it comes to bicycles. Jen and I both own a Serotta Legend Ti with Campy Record 10 speed grouppo. They are specifically fitted to our size and we have done a extensive bike fit with Dr. Max Testa at UC Davis center for sports medicine. This was done during our bicycle racing days when every slight advantage can make a difference. That was one of the best things we have ever done for our cycling. I referred a friend who was new to cycling to go there and get fitted for a bike before going out to shop for a bike. He and his wife both got fitted there and knew what to look for when they went bike shopping. The bike fit also helped to correct a knee pain him wife has been experiencing while riding. To make a long story short, I suggested to Dr. Meltzer to consider a Serotta if he wanted a made to measure bike frame. We both agreed Campy was the way to go for durability and functionality.

This was also Super bowl Sunday, I have no interest in football, but Jen does. So Jen spent the rest of the day watching the game while I rested. We had dinner during this time and when the game was over, I decided to go to bed early.

Tomorrow is my “grand opening” or the day when my vaginal packing comes out and dilation begins. It’s going to be an interesting day.