Day 7, A Calm Before the Storm

February 8, 2005
Post Op Day 7
A Calm Before The Storm

It was such a restless night yesterday that I spent most of the day in bed trying to get some rest and recovery for the rash, cough, and dilating.

Debbie came by yesterday with a box of chocolates; it was a present to me from her present beau, Rocky an honestly charming HUNK! He came in with Debbie to visit us and wanted to get us something from their trip to Walgreen’s for another patient. I told him, “Just the visit from you and Debbie is great.” I guess, he just had to have his way and gave us a box of chocolates.

Debbie and Rocky has in interesting history, they met at a garage sale haggling over a CD of all things. During the process of haggling, they connected on another level and have been together every since, that was a short time ago.

It is interesting to note, that more than just Debbie on Dr. Meltzer’s staff has asked potential dates / partners how they felt about trans / intersex folks. What they have told me is, this is one of those questions that can be very reveling about the individual when they answer. When a trans or intersex individual goes thru the process of transition, many individuals near and around them are effected. My own experience with this taught me a lot about many individuals who claimed to be “family” or friends who cared about me. What did I learn during this process? They appear to care on the outside, but how they really felt was concealed by their façade of acceptance, and when the truth of how they really felt became evident, they quickly began to put serious distance in our relationship. You can’t help but wonder if reveling the bare honest truth of who you really are is such a mirror of truth that they are not ready to deal with bare honesty. It’s also telling of how judgmental, ignorant, intolerant individuals can be. When Rocky visited us on Sunday, I asked him about trans folks, as I watched his face and eyes for his reply, “You simply got be who you are.” I can tell from his face, this was an honest reply. I’m so happy for Debbie to have finally found love one in her life after spending over twenty years in a less than happy marriage with children. I gave Debbie a goodbye hug then thanked her for the box of chocolates and asked her to thank Rocky for the gift.

I rolled the bed back and took a nap to try and recover some lost rest from the events of yesterday.

Cheryl stopped by and gave me a gentle wake up nudge to see how I was doing. Other than dealing with the itchy rash that was finally getting better, the coughing and sneezes that was also passing, and the developing slight surface suture tears down stairs, things were OK. She dropped of a tube of Benadryl anti itch cream and #5 dilator for Jen. That thing appears to me as a huge and scary hunk of plastic to me, quite suitable as a self defense weapon. I mentioned to Cheryl that I had a multi orgasm as I was trying to apply Bacitracin to cover my exposed clitoris. Some of those who are reading this might be thinking, OH!!! GOODIEE!! I was so darn tired yesterday night from everything that happened, that was something I simply did not need. It made me more tired and drained from expending all that unnecessary energy. The only good thing about what happened is knowing the anatomy works. Cheryl told me I was ready for this surgery. I told her I have been struggling for years to get this done. Over the years since my orchiectomy, I have developed what is considered a female orgasm. Yes, it is very different than the male ones and they feel correct to me. I honestly believe my brain was born with a significant female template but was suppressed by physical, hormonal and social factors. Once these constraints were removed over time, everything began to grow together in harmony and vaginoplasty is one of the last parts of the physical congruence growth process. Cheryl asked me if I needed anything and I told her no.

My breakfast arrived shortly after Cheryl left my room. I carefully got out of bed and took a shower. There is something about taking a shower that always feels great. I finally felt good enough to take care of various little personal care things like shaping my eyebrows for the first time in many days. I took a walk around the halls and spent a bit of time to share company and time with my neighbor.

I put on my bathrobe and got back in bed to have breakfast and listen to some music. I was still not energetic enough to write and felt it was better to wait until a later time to put my self into words.

Jen arrived just before 11:00AM, I told her I had ordered a few breakfast items for her. The yogurt parfait with fresh fruit and granola has become one of our favorite items. The first time Jen tried it, she liked, so I ordered on and like it too. This is a simple item to make and something we will try to make when we are back at home.

Jen and I sat around to chat about stuff for a while. We watched a few Sponge Bob DVDs before Jen went out for her afternoon walk in Scottsdale. With a hug and a kiss, Jen was off to do her daily exercise walk.

Dr. Meltzer stopped by to see how I was doing. He asked me how the dilatations were going. I told him dilating is just not a problem. But the rash and other stuff was really getting to me. He did an exam on my rash and my surgical site. Dr. Meltzer told me that he will order some oral steroids to help clear the rash and while I was tearing some surface sutures and spotting from this, don’t worry about it. It is more important to stay the course of dilatation and your body will deal with the suture tears in short time. I also told him about my multi orgasm yesterday night. He told me, “Don’t tell every body about that.” We shared a laugh together over what happened to me yesterday night. He was off to the operating room to care for his case of the day.

The lunch menu arrives and I ordered a cheeseburger with chips for Jen and I got the fried chicken, fruit salad, chocolate cookie and ice tea. It seems like my body is consuming far more calories than usual. There is the feeling my body is working over time to put itself back together. This means lots of food in and lots of stuff out. The stool softener is a good thing as it helps to prevents excessive effort to get the potty work done.

Jen arrives back from her walk after lunch arrived. I waited for Jen to be back so we can have lunch together.

The rest of my day was spent resting, listening to music, that chore of dilating and taking a few walks around the halls. We watched some TV together and I had a chance to watch one of my favorite Lorenna McKennitt videos, No journey’s end.

The dinner menu came and went along with our dinner.

It was now early evening and time for Jen to return back to the Holiday Inn. I wanted to get to bed early and be ready for removal of the Foley catheter. All I can do is hope that I can pee once the Foley has been removed and not required to reinstall it. If I can’t pee, it means that there is too much swelling for the urethra to function, a clot along the way causing a blockage or lack of urge due to emotional factors.

I said good bye to Jen with a hug and kiss good night before she went on her way back to the Holiday Inn.

Liz was my nurse for the night, she came into my room to take my vitals and see if I needed anything before going to bed. I asked her for some Ambien, I wanted to be as rested as possible for tomorrow. When Liz returned, she had my night time meds in hand and some Ambien. I did my last dilatation for the day and got ready for bed.

I got in bed and sat for a moment thinking about all that has happened in my life’s journey so far. I thought about the gifts, thoughts of love and caring those have shared with me while I here in the Greenbaum hotel, I thought about the little gifts that were sent to me. All these things made me feel so many individuals are with me in soul and spirit as I continue the recovery process. I thought about all the individuals who affected the course of my life during my time here on this world. I was flooded with a torrent of emotions as I was thinking of what my life has been and where it is today. That torrent of emotions caused a wave of tears from my eyes. I’m so thankful to be able to take pleasure in what appears to be mundane and simple events of the day and have those who care enough about me share to their life with me in various ways. It seems when two individuals meet, spirits either connect or repel and the meeting tends to affect our course in life. In this way, I feel humanity is connected in various ways. It’s like a web of spirits all connected, but the distance of the connections appears to be the difference that keeps some of us apart. In the overall sphere of humanity, I believe we are all part of the human family struggling to hold the sphere together, but not really knowing how.

I connected myself to the Foley bag, lowered the bed, took the Ambien with some water and went off to dream land. What tomorrow brings will be fate.