Day 9, Goodbye Greenbaum

February 10, 2005
Post Op Day 9
Goodbye Greenbaum

I woke up this morning with a reasonable night of sleep. It was a quite evening after such an eventful day. My rash was now improving rapidly and the cough was passing nearly as well. The Meds Dr. Meltzer ordered for me yesterday made a rapid and significant difference in the rash in short time. Breakfast arrived on schedule and Jen arrived a short time after breakfast arrived. We had breakfast together on the small table in my room along with our usual morning chat.

The task at hand now is to get my stuff packed back into my bag and be ready to leave Greenbaum for our room at the Holiday Inn. We took out time packing together. As I was packing my things, I was also thinking of all the memories I will be bringing back with me. For the most part, they will be good and special ones that will always be part of our lives.

I took a shower and did my personal care stuff for the last time in Greenbaum Room 17. Yes, I started out in room16, but the heating and cooling controls in that room got whacky and the room remained too cold for my comfort. The Greenbaum hotel is only a couple years old, but for what ever reason, the heating and cooling in that building has been the number one problem for that building since it was opened. You got to wonder, in this day and age, why something so basic is such a problem in a new building.

I changed into my clothes for the day and we waited for Dr. Meltzer to stop for our last check and visit. Debbie stopped by to see how we were doing and to chat. During out times at Greenbaum, We have gotten to know Debbie as more than a patient’s aid, but as a friend. She is this bubbly happy southern charm. We took a few pictures together and said our goodbyes to each other.

Our last lunch at Greenbaum arrived and we shared the meal together in the quite of my room. It was a over cast day in Scottsdale with the sight of rain expected over the next few days.

Dr. Meltzer arrived and we discussed what needed to be done as I will be traveling home with the Foley catheter in place. It’s a problem, but not the first time this happened. We chatted about his visit to Cal Dreaming and cycling in the south bay. After our chat we gave each a hug goodbye. This hug felt different than any of the hugs before. The hug felt like a loving father saying goodbye to his daughter who is about to head out into the world. This was a hug from Toby I will always remember. He headed off to visit his other patients at Greenbaum.

Jen got all our stuff ready and began moving everything down to the car. We had one last look at room 17, then room 16 and room 11 where Jen stayed for her surgery in October. Each of those rooms and Greenbaum holds many memories for both Jen and I.

We walked up to the nurses station to say we are checking out. Charlotte got my paper work done and she walked us to the elevator. We took the elevator to the ground floor for the last time and we hugged and said our goodbyes just outside the building.

We got into our rented PT curser and we drove a short ways over to the Holiday Inn. Jen unloaded and brought most of my stuff up to our room. The room was strange and familiar all at the same time. I have not been in this room for several days, yet, it was nice to be back in this room where it all began. We looked at all the stuff we needed to bring back home and decided to USPS a box back rather than trying to bring it back in our bags. It was a simple task of bringing what we wanted to ship back to the post office and sending it.

I got in bed to rest for a little while before we headed over to the post office located a short distance away.

Late that afternoon, I got a call from Dr. Becky Allison. She is a cardiologist who transitioned back in the mid 1990’s. She published one of the first TS web pages during the early days of the web. I remember reading her story back during the mid 1990’s when I first began to seriously look into my own gender issues. What I read on her web page as inspirational and comforting in many ways. I did not know she lived in the area until I Cheryl and I were taking about the local T* community. That was when I decided to send Becky a note earlier in the week. Becky called just after we got back from the post office to ask if we would like to have dinner with her later that day. We decided to meet at the Kona Grill in the Fashion five malls. Becky had to stop by home before meeting us for dinner. Becky asked her partner Margaux (also post-op TS) if she would like to join us for dinner. We arrived at the Kona Grill just a before 6 Pm and was wondering if Becky would be able to find us. Becky found us with little trouble; there are very few women with knee length hair. She got my attention with a gentle tap on my shoulder. We greeted each other with a hug and big hello. I introduced her to Jen; unfortunately, Margaux was not feeling well that night and was not able to join us. The Kona Grill was pretty busy that evening and we decided to try another restaurant. Becky led us to a Brazilian restaurant a short distance away. Unfortunately, it has closed since she last been there. It was back to the Kona Grill. This time, Becky got a beeper and it was only a short wait before we got a table. Once we were seated, the conversation began to flow about our history, what our transitions were like, Dr. Meltzer and staff, life in Phoenix her partner and a host of other topics. I asked Becky about her web page and why she kept it up since her transition. She told me that it all began as part of her transition Journal and after her transition in the mid 1990’s she decided it might help those who are in a similar situation. Fact is, the web page never really affected her professional life, it has helped countless other TS women like me and it was a means of communications with those who share similar life stories. Back when she transitioned, it was expected that once you are post vaginoplasty that you disappear into the fabric of society and never reveal your past. It’s similar to a witness protection program where a key witness was give a new identity and asked to move on with their life from there. We both agree this model is not a healthy one, being born TS will always be a core part of who you are and to deny this is similar to hiding in a different closet again. The belief where you disappear into the fabric of society never to be heard from again is based on shame, the social shame of being a TS individual. I’m not going to broadcast my history, but I’m not going to deny who I am if the topic comes up. Dr. Becky Allison continues to be of help and inspiration for many in the trans community. She also mentioned to me there are more TS doctors who transitioned in recent years than one might believe.

It is interesting to note Becky and Margaux is aother TS couple who have been quite bonded for the past 11 years. I suspect the number of T* couples that exist are not small. I know of several T couples and every one of them as quite special in their own way. Like Jen and I, our relationship is based our love for who we are and the physical genitalia between us has far less meaning in our relationship. Most heterosexual relationships are quite centered on the physical sex of male, female, procreation and expected gender roles. In many ways, T couples challenge all of those rules and create a relationship based on far more than just that. No, this does not make T relationships better, but rather unique in their own way.

I believe most individuals who are born heterosexual have their own instinctive / primal drives to find a partner, procreate and do all those things that are considered ‘normal’. The problem occurs when the different instinctive / primal needs collide with each other in society and culture. There is a lot of strong emotions around, “If the way I live and value system works so well for me and makes me happy, they it must be right and work for you and we have written words to justify it.” This is also known as the tyranny of the majority. The measure of humanity within a society depends a lot on how it treats its minorities.

The food was great and the sharing of our lives wonderful. We got back to our room in time for my personal care needs.

The rest of that evening was spent as quite time together. Jen began to process of packing our stuff for our trip home. I got to bed early trying to get a good nights rest knowing we have a long journey ahead of us back home.