LIfe is Good :-)

April 18, 2005

Wow, I can cross my legs again. This might not appear to be a big deal, but it really is. I have finally healed and recovered enough to do this and get back on my bike again. This was the first week I went out on the bike 3 times this week. The rides are between 1 to just over 2 hours for each ride. My fitness is significantly lower than where it was in late January, but there is no real surprise to this. I have been trying to get back on the bike for the past three weekends and a few times during the week. But this was the first week things really felt right. This was also the week Jen and I started to ride together again, just like what we did before. The bike handling skills are definitely there, but my power and endurance is lacking.

How much difference, a 22 mile ride on the local roads with stop lights and stop signs would take me about 1 hour 15 minutes when my fitness was good, now, it takes at about 15 minutes extra. My bike fit changed slightly since I have not been on the bike for so long. The seat on my bike got lowered by ~ 5mm to compensate for my lower flexibility and my reach to the handlebars needs to be shorter to prevent rubbing and pressing on my clitoris, this is a problem many women cyclist have. I know in time, my fitness and body will recover and I can resume my proper bike fit position with some adjustment to accommodate my current anatomy.

All of my post-op problems have pretty much resolved with the passage of time. There is still a tiny spot of granular tissue at the apex of my vagina. But it’s a minor problem that should resolve in short time. The places where my sutures split have pretty much completely healed. This was what kept me off the bike for so long, if this did not happen, I believe I could have been back on the bike at 4 weeks post-op. My time spent dilating has been reduced to twice daily, once in the morning and once at night for 30 to 40 minutes. I can begin to have a real life again. I moved up to the #3 (33mm Dia) dilator a few weeks ago and now I pretty much use the # 4 (35mm Dia) and #5 (38mm Dia) tapered. The #5 is about a big a dilator I care to deal with. When I first saw and held the #5 dilator, it seen so unreal that it would ever fit in me, but much to my surprise it does now. Some time in the beginning of June, I should be able to reduce my dilating schedule down to once a day for about 30 to 40 minutes. After 6 months or so, I should be able to reduce dilating down to once every few days depending on how my body reacts to the reduction. If my vagina becomes tight again after not dilating for a while, I get to increase the frequency to gain back the elasticity. This is one of the facts of life for a post vaginoplasty TS woman for the rest of their lives along with hormone therapy. Post op care is something none of the shows in the media made about the lives of TS women ever discuss or has any degree of public awareness.

What I can say about having this or any surgery, it really pays to be physically healthy and physically fit. Your recovery time will be shorter and your body is better able to handle the stress of surgery. It’s a really good idea to be physically fit and healthy regardless. When you take care of your body, it will take care of the soul that lives within.

Dr. Meltzer and Linda were in town to do a presentation at Cal Dreaming this weekend. I knew he would be in town and was hoping that we could schedule a post-op check up with him. I did not know he did this until Janet mentioned this to me. I called the office to see if a time would be available, but the schedule was much in flux since both Dr. Meltzer and Linda were at the HBIGDA meeting held in Italy. They just got back a few days before this trip to Cal Dreaming. I called the office on Wednesday to see if a time would be available, but was told they would not be doing this since Linda might not be with Dr. Meltzer on this trip out. I was bummed since there was some question on my mind for him to answer. My friend Kara, got a message to our group that he will be in town and will be doing post-op check ups at Cal Dreaming. Jen and I had planned to see Dr. Meltzer’s presentation anyway, but now we had to be there a bit earlier to get a check up appointment with Dr. Meltzer. Jen and I did our usual morning routine of coffee, yogurt parfait (a breakfast favorite brought home with me from the Greenbaum hotel, but made with plain whole milk yogurt and granola, it’s a lot less sweet that what is served at Greenbaum). We got started so late in the morning for our bike ride that we shortened our ride planned ride from 3 hours to 2 hours. I was bummed, but life always has its trade offs. We arrived home from our bike ride got cleaned up and dressed and headed over to Cal Dreaming.

We had no idea where to find anything. We found Terri at one of the vendor booths and chatted for a while. Jen met up with Carla from Carla’s, it’s been years since they have met. This was Jen’s first place to meet other trans folks when she first began her journey so many years ago. Jen and Carla chatted for a while about all that has happened over the many years that have passed. Wondering where Dr. Meltzer might be, I called Kara on the phone, ug.. no answer, so I left her a message. Mel was hungry so we headed off to find a place to eat.

As we were walking down the main hall, Kara walked by and we flagged her down. We greeted and headed off to meet with Dr. Meltzer. Kara was having lunch with Dr. O in the hotel’s restaurant when Dr. Meltzer, Linda and Nicole walked in for lunch too. Ti turns out kara left her cell phone on the restaurant table when we called, that is why she did not answer. Funny how all this works. They were pretty much done when we arrived. Dr. Meltzer, Linda headed up to their hotel room for Kara’s post op check up. Our check up as a bit later, Linda would find us when they are ready.

Mel sat down with Jen and I and ordered some food. Nicole (This was our first intro) asked if she could join us. Sure, the more the merrier. Nicole had her VAG done by Dr. Meltzer about three weeks ago. While she was there, Dr. Meltzer mentioned he was planning to be at Cal Dreaming this month. Nicole owns a Porsche, Dr. Meltzer also owns a Porsche so they had stuff to chat about during her time at Greenbaum. Nicole mentioned she could pick them up at the airport, and much to her surprise Dr. Meltzer accepted. That is how the three of them wound up at the hotel’s restaurant. The four of us chatted about dates with plastic boyfriends and other stuff post-op TS women chat about.

A short time later, Linda appeared and asked if we would like to do the post-op check up now. Sure, we are pretty much free so we followed Linda up to Dr. Meltzer hotel room. He greeted us with a warm hello. Linda handed me one of those famous paper patient gowns to change into. Now, I have never had to deal with one of these before and had some trouble figuring the thing out. Linda had a look and found the gown was defective. She handed me another one and I went over to the bathroom to change. I held the back of the gown closed with my left hand and sat down on the recliner and foot rest with my legs apart (yea, it’s pretty undignified, but hey, it’s what needs to be done) ready for the exam. Dr. Meltzer had a look and everything has healed up quite well. I told him there was still a bit of granular tissue at the apex of my vagina he asked me what has been done to treat that area so far. I told him Dr. Shaffer has been treating that area with silver nitrate for the past few weeks and it’s improved significantly. He asked Linda to get me a scrip for a steroidal cream that would be apply to the tip of plastic boy friend when dilating. This will help improve and speed up the healing process. I asked Dr. Meltzer if there should be any hair zapping that should be done before Labiaplasty. He said, it looks good enough, but you should consider doing any hair removal after Labiaplasty. It’s better to have hair in the right places to help hide the scars from the suture lines. I was able to dodge the hair zapper needle again for now.

We always end up taking about cycling when ever we are with Dr. Meltzer. He mentioned to me one of his patients that he rides with regularly with got in contact with me via email and I confirmed this contact. One day, we should all get together in Scottsdale just to go cycling. It would be a fun thing to do. It’s a small world.

The conversation moved on to breast augmentation. This was something I have been seriously considering for a while and have done much research on the topic alone with a few consultations with other local PS surgeons who does a lot of these. The women in my circle of friends who had this done are either moms that have breast feed and ended up with deflated breast or TS women who wanted more than what they got from hormone therapy. An interesting note on breast implants, most of my mom friends and women on the message boards who got implants tended to get larger ones than my TS women friends. Many of the women on the breast implant boards tended to have implants in the over 350cc range. This includes many of my mom friends. These women are generally smaller than my TS women friends. My TS women friends tended to get implants in the under 350cc range. They just want to be better proportioned rather than busty. Me, I would consider an implant of somewhere in the 200cc to maybe slightly over 300cc range, nothing bigger. From my experimenting with water filled baggies, 250cc would easily make a full ‘C’ cup, this might be bigger than what I would like to live with..

Saline vs. Silicone gel, both Dr. Shaffer and Dr. Aslan believes saline implants are safe enough. Dr. KRC our surgeon friend does not like any kind of breast implants. I guess it’s from dealing with them as a surgeon.

After nearly 6 years of effective hormone therapy, I have pretty much equaled my sisters and nieces in breast development. That’s a good thing. All this says a lot about genetics and what one can expect. I don’t want anything big, just fuller than what I currently have. One of the possible problems with this procedure is ending up with numb nipples or general loss of sensation in the breast. We asked Dr. Meltzer about this and incision placement he told us nerves can be avoided by being careful during development of the incision under the nipple.

The crease incision works well too, but once the implant pocket is made you can’t always predict where the new breast fold falls and “under the arm pit incision has a greater risk of hitting nerves since this is where the nerves route to the breast. It’s a bit comforting, but I’m still worried about this happening to me if I elect to have this procedure done. I would be totally heart broken if bigger boobs resulted in loss of breast sensitivity. I already knew the bigger the implant, the bigger the possible problem and Dr. Meltzer confirm this. It’s really a beauty accessory that you wear daily. I’m still sitting on the fence with this one. Labiaplasty next year, yes. Breast Augmentation, maybe, and still maybe..for now.

We asked if Jen wanted a check up too. She was a bit hesitant for a moment, but accepted. Jen and I went over to bathroom to change out of my paper exam gown and handed it to Jen. She got into the gown and sat down in the same recliner and repeated what I just did. The first thing Dr. Meltzer noticed was the large infection on Jen’s leg we suspected it was an insect bite gone bad. We don’t know what really happened. This thing has been getting worst over the past few days. Dr. Meltzer appeared very concerned about the condition of this affected area.

He asked Linda to get an anti-biotic scrip for Jen and told Jen to see Dr. Shaffer or another doctor to have it drained. If he had the instruments and meds to get that done then, he would have treated it during this exam. After dealing with the infection, Dr. Meltzer did Jen’s post-op check up. All was fine and ready for Labiaplasty in October this year. Jen headed off to the bathroom to change back into her clothes. We had a few minutes left before his presentation and there was just enough time to phone in a prescription for Jen’s anti-biotic and my steroidal cream at the local pharmacy we use. What a way for Dr. Meltzer to do a, “house call.”

Linda, Jen and I headed to the room where Dr. Meltzer’s presentation was being held. Dr. Meltzer joined us in the presentation room a few moments later and began his presentation. Five of us sat together, Kara, Nicole, Me, Jen and Mel. All of us went to Dr. Meltzer for vaginoplasty at some point in time. The presentation consisted of a discussion of the various procedures he does and before and after images of these procedures. It was an interesting presentation and I learned some stuff about these procedures. After the presentation, there was a question and answer session including some rather active words on the topic of health insurance coverage for sex reassignment surgery. My feelings on this topic have not changed from what I wrote about this previously. Jen wanted to stop by the pharmacy to pick up her meds and go home to rest. The group wanted to have dinner together. I asked Mel to call me and tell me where to go. We said goodbye to Dr. Meltzer, the group and a few other friends. We made it to the pharmacy just in time before they closed. The pharmacy had Jen’s meds, but my steroidal cream will not be ready until Monday. We went home so Jen could get some rest. I asked her if she would like to join us for dinner. She told me she was a bit tired and her leg was not feeling well, she told me to go and have dinner with the group any way. A short while later, Mel called with the restaurant information. I asked if they could stop by to pick me up at out home since it was along the way. The wait for the group to pick me up at home appeared to so long.

I started to wonder what was taking them so long. Well, they got lost in the airport freeway maze and it took a while to get them all unraveled. We all drove over to a local Thai restaurant and had a nice dinner and evening together. It was getting late after an eventful day and we all headed home after dinner.

March and the beginning of April has been a great time for me. So much of my post-op problems are now gone and my surgical site is feeling better each day. What is most significant to me, I’m beginning to completely forget what it feels like to be physically incongruent. All of that is becoming a distant memory in a rather short time.

Jen and I met with Barbara for the book interview on a late Friday afternoon. Our interview would be used for the ending of this book. The interview was a story about Jen’s journey, how we met and what our lives are like today. We are the love story ending of Barbara’s book. I made it clear that while surgery was an important part of our lives, it is not where the story really is. The story is what our daily lives are like and how we share our lives together as a couple.

During the middle of March, my sister who lives in Hong Kong traveled her to visit. During the time she was here, the four of us (Fay, Diane, Jen and me) had lunch together. What I did not expect was a gift from my sister to cover the cost of my surgery. I was totally surprised and shocked. It took Jen 6 months of convincing and some time with our therapist for me to be able to accept her help to get my date with Dr. Meltzer done. I did better this time. I really don’t know how to thank her for what she has done. After all that has happened to my family, from the beginning to the end, it was my sisters who were always there for me. Their love and total acceptance of me as another girl in the family will always have a special place in my heart and renews my sense of family.

Each day I spend with Camille brings our mother / daughter relationship closer. I’m so happy to have the relationship I do with Camille. Years ago, my mom friends told me how special mother / daughter relationships can be, now I’m living it. I’m also surprised at how much Camille is beginning to physically look like me and how similar our personalities are becoming. Cameron is a young teen of 15 years old. My transition has been difficult for him. He has grown as much as he has changed. I will never have the father / son relationship with him; I can still be a loving and supportive parent for him. I believe the job of a parent is to love and support their children to find and make a life of their own. I have watched so many parents foist their expectations upon their children, live their dreams thru their children and ruin their children’s identity and sense of self in this process.

I finally got my Lancia Monte Carlo / Scorpion titled and registered. We are so relieved this is done and over with. Jen’s Triumph TR-3 restoration project that we started last spring and before our trips to Scottsdale is nearing completion. The body stuff is very near done and the engine and transmission is basically ready to install. When the TR-3 is done, the plan is to get the Lancia back on the road. I have always loved Italian cars as they embody so much of the Italian’s passion and sense of art for the automobile. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t break all the time and are just fine as reliable daily transportation. Over the past 20 years, I have owned 7 FIAT / Bertone X1/9s. This two seater has been one of the most reliable cars I have ever owned, this includes the SAAB turbo I have owned for over 10 years and a host of other cars including a Honda. I have an 1988 (last year sold in USA) X1/9 currently and it gets driven often. This car continues to deliver a degree of driving fun few current cars offer (The only new two seater I care about today is the Lotus Elise, nothing from Ferrari, Porsche, Mercedes, BMW, Bentley, Jaguar, Honda, Nissan etc. impresses me) to this very day. The driving experience of a light weight mid engine car that is done right brings the driver closest to being connected to the driving experience.

Jen and I went shopping at the local nursery for our season of garden veggies. We started this last year when we planted tomatoes, basil, parsley. This year we have planted tomatoes, peppers, basil, parsley, onions, garlic, strawberries and a few other veggies. There is nothing like garden fresh and ripe produce. Yes, we are spoiled. Jen has been planting various spring flowers too. When we sit I our garden drinking home roasted coffee watching the bird and squirrels feeding on the feeders and absorbing the colors and early morning fragrance from the garden flowers, Jen and I could easily spend the entire day sitting there and chatting about stuff. When the weather gets warmer, we bring a cool fruity wine out to our garden table to sip and enjoy. We have our meals in the garden during that time of the year too.

Jen and I make our meals together often. Many times we share the task of our daily meals which means Jen will prepare part of what we plan to cook and I will do a different part of the process. We started to make pizza at home. One of our favorites is chicken sautéed with garlic, peppers, onions in olive oil. A blend of mozzarella, Monterey jack, cheddar cheese is placed on the pizza dough before the sautéed chicken mix is laid on top. Jen preps the dough (its pre made from Trader Joes) in the traditional process of kneading, stretching and the well known toss and spin. Jen applies some olive oil a mix of herbs and lightly salt the edge of the pizza too. I make the sautéed chicken mix. Once the pizza dough is ready, we put the pizza together and put the pizza in the oven with a stone at 500+ degrees for 10-15 minutes and the finished pizza is really tasty.

It’s been awhile since I had a chance to go shopping. I got a card from Nordstrom’s Rack that they new arrivals are in and I had to see what they got. Two Nordies later, I got a black blazer, three tops and two skirts. I look forward to spring, summer and it’s warm to hot days. That is when my warm weather clothes and I have the most fun. I have not had a chance to stop by Loeman’s to see what they have. There will be time for my shopping fix in the near future.

Life is good

>^..^<

Nici…..

The End of February, 2005

February 26, 2005

It was a pretty laid back and relaxing day at home today, Just did my usual post op care and went out for a walk around the neighborhood. I thought about what my emotional state has been like now that I’m post-op. It seems like so many little things in my daily life hold so much more significance to me now compared to before. I’m quite certain I have become more emotional than before. I stopped by the India Grocery store on the way home to see what it was like. We have driven by that store so many times, but never went in. It is a family owned store with many items that are quite similar to stores like Ranch 99. There does not appear to be a lot of store traffic and many of the store items look like they have been sitting there for a long time. Jen went out for a bike ride to Shannon road earlier this morning. She got back after I got home and finished date# 2.

Jen took a shower and is spending time watching TV. For once in my life, my body is honestly feeling like it belongs to me and the way it should have always been. My next planned surgery will be labiaplasty. That will be at least one year away.

I had my appointment with Joy on Friday morning. I dropped off Camille before 8:00 AM in the morning, drove home to pick up Jen. There was enough time to fill up the SAAB along the way.

While we arrived on time for my Joy appointment, she was running way late, about 45 minutes late. The receptionist knocks on the door, and finally, she called us into the exam room. I got undressed and sat on the exam table while Jen sat in one of the chairs on the side. I gave Joy date and specifics of my surgery and I got into the exam position. The suture splits did not concern her very much, “just keep them clean and they should heal up just fine.” It’s the same thing Dr. Meltzer and Dr. Kay told me. The splits have been improving daily and I hope they will close soon. Joy told me there are blood clots on my mounds area, labia, under the urethra. They should improve in time until they are completely absorbed. There not much to do for them at this time. We moved on to doing a vaginal speculum exam. Never had this done before. With little trouble, pain or fanfare Joy inserted the speculum and clicked in place holding my vagina open.

She swabbed several areas inside my vagina, this felt strange, being held open and being swabbed all at the same time. Joy told me there is a spot where some sloughing of dead skin is happening and don’t be surprised if you get a piece of skin during dilatation one of these days.

That was my first female gyno exam. I think I’m going to ask her for a vagina speculum during my next appointment. I’m curious to see what I look like inside. Joy asked me about hormones, I told her I’m on IM estradiol. I don’t think she was not very enthused about this, which was not a surprise to me. I just did not want to get into this topic with her. I know where she is at with this and I don’t want to get into a debate with her over this. The topic of trans politics got started, the discussion went on for quite a while. Most of what she told me, I was already aware of. I was surprised that she got involved with trans politics. Her view of the future for trans and intersex folks in the US is similar to my own, bleak. With a knock on the door, Joy’s next patient was due.

Jen got pretty unsettled about what Joy and I was saying about politics and the status of trans folks in the present day and the future.

I planned to go into work after my appointment, but after getting up at 6:00AM to dilate, getting myself and Camille ready for school, dropping her off at school and the appointment with Joy, I was just too tired. Jen and I went to Uno-Mas for lunch, Trader Joes and Safeway to shop for food. We went home after this shopping. We took a nap together after dilating and we went for a walk a bit later.

Thursday, was the first time I drove up SF to pick up Camille from school. We did our usual after school routine of Dim Sum. I stopped by the 18th Avehouse to see if I can find any registration papers for the Lancia. After looking in the car, I was not able to find anything. We drove home after looking in the Lancia. I really need to get this car registered, so it's another call to the previous owner of the car. I hope he's got all the paper work together by now.

Dilating 4 times a day pretty much consumes most of your day; you have so little time between dilatations to get things done. I went up to the #2 dilator on Feb. 21st with little problem after #1 began to feel loose. The routine now is to start with #1 for 15 minutes or so, then move up to #2 for another 15 minutes or so. I can understand why some women have problems with intercourse. There are a larger number of factors that can affect penetration. This includes PC muscle status and one's emotional state of mind. The suture splits are healing slowly. All I can do is keep them clean and be patient. Each day brings new joy for me every time I think of how my physical body is finally feeling the way it should have been all my life. Being post-op has made me more emotional, more sensitive to the world around me and more transparent with my interactions with the world. There is just a simple honesty that I feel when dealing with nearly everything in my daily life. I can honestly say that I’m finally finding a sense of peace within that I have never experienced in my life. How special is that? How do you thank those who have made this possible? Years ago, I would have never guessed that vaginoplasty would affect me in this way.

I was back to work on Tuesday and Wednesday, It was pretty low key and I was able to begin catching up on stuff. Maribeth and I got back into our afternoon walks. Its girl time for both of us and time we both enjoy deeply. I know she is going to off to another work place in the near future, but I hope we stay in touch. True friends are relationships that are worth the time and energy spent. We share so much in common, being moms, our Asian history, and much to my surprise, our personalities are similar in many ways. I printed out a copy of my journal for Marc to read. The next day I asked Marc what did he think of the journal? I was surprised to learn my journal affected Marc the way it did. I guess sharing my experience can be a good thing for those who are interested. I guess there is a part of me that just wants the world to know what my life’s story has been like and where it is now. I don’t want to be known as another TS woman, I want those who are interested to know me for who I am. A specialty audio designer, a B&W photographer, an avid cyclist, a loving parent of two children, an Italian car lover, a cook, and all the other things in life not related to me being born this way.

Dr. Shaffer Visit Number Two

After dealing with my post-op problems during the middle of February, I spent a week at home doing not much other than resting, keeping the surgical area clean, dilating, and other post op care stuff.

I went back to work 3 weeks post op, kept everything low key and did just fine. We live close enough to where I work and that allowed me to go home to dilate, some quite time alone (Jen tends to go out for walks or pedal the bike or etc. in the afternoons and have lunch. Once in a while, we would both be home together and we would share lunch.

After the 6th week or so, I was finally able to ditch the rolled up blanket I sat on to prevent pressing on my surgery site when sitting. It’s all the little things like this that you get to appreciate once you don’t need to do them anymore. It was also around this time when I stopped using the sitz bottle every time I used the potty. That was another little thing to deal with. The pee splattering is far less now that the swelling had gone down and the stream direction is not bad at all.

Friday was post-op appointment number 2 with Dr. Shaffer. It was similar to my first exam on Feb. 23, 2005 areas of treating granular tissue with silver nitrate, cleaning places that I was not able to reach, a vaginal speculum exam to see how my internals are healing, more treatment of granular tissue with silver nitrate inside my vagina and a general evaluation of my post op condition. The blood clots in my labia, monds area, and just below the urethra are pretty well absorbed when Dr. Shaffer did the exam this time. I’m still swollen in some areas but I’m certain they will improve in time. My suture tears have pretty well healed up ( the tears were not small, the one on my left labia was about 30mm long and the one on my left labia was about 15 mm long except there was a space that extended nearly 50 mm behind it. It’s amazing to me that my body fixed this in about 2-3 weeks. I asked our surgeon friend Dr. KRC about this and she was pretty correct in predicting the amount of time required for my body to heal. It required a significant amount of attention to keep the suture splits clean so they can heal. Dr. Shaffer went on to clean out a small yeast infection between the clitoris and urethra and began to treat some external areas of granular tissue with silver nitrate. The problem was, one of the areas that needed treatment was around my clitoris. I was already jumpy after being cleaned of the yeast infection and when she began to treat that area under around my clitoris with silver nitrate, I got really jumpy. Dr. Shaffer looked at me and said, "I’m going to get some topical solution to numb the area so we can get this done." I told her, “I will survive this.” Her reply, “You might survive, but I won’t.” She left the exam room and was back a moment later with some local. She applied the solution on to the affected area and we were able to proceed with the things that needed to get done. The next procedure was the speculum exam. Dr. Shaffer had a slight problem inserting the speculum in me this time as I was tense from what happened previously. She had to do the same thing I do before dilating, use a finger to get things started. With a little effort, she got the speculum in me and opened. Inside my vagina, she found some granular tissue near the apex of my vagina and treated it with silver nitrate. To top that off, she also found a slight yeast infection brewing. To deal with this, she told me to dilate with Monistat for a few days and apply some of this with a cotton swab on the area between the urethra and clitoris to keep that area yeast infection free. She removed the speculum, I got off the exam table and we were done with today’s visit. We chatted about how the current US government continues to deny basic rights to trans folks on a federal level. Those who are post-op TS are still not recognized as their post-op sex by the Federal Government. Thanks to the current Administration and the Department of Home Land Security. In most countries around the world including Iran, those who are post-op are legally recognized as their post-op sex, but no, not in this, “Democratic and Free Country called the US of A.”

Jen and I headed home after my appointment with Dr. Shaffer and did some work on the TR-3.
We had a light dinner of salad, fresh bread, some wine and ice cream for dessert. THe rest of our evening was just quite time together as we snuggled together in bed.

Each day that I wake and go to bed, I’m still amazed at how good I feel about me. For the first time in my life, my body feels correct. There are days when I still have pains from the surgical site, but they are small and feel more like a reminder of what has changed about me for good. I still have a ways to go before I’m able to get back on the bike among other things that I really enjoy doing. If some one were to ask me would I do this again knowing all that could and will happen, I would do this again in the blink of an eye.

First Post op Exam

February 16, 2005

Jen and I just got back from a walk around the park near where we live. I settled down to read my email and when that was done, I visited Becky’s journal from 1994. As I read more and more of her journey, I began to think about my own transition and the life that Jen and I share together. The tears just started to pour out of my eyes as the emotions from all that has happened over the past few weeks really began to dawn on me as I was reading Becky’s journal.

I’m so dam lucky to be where I am today. For the first time in my life, I no longer feel disjointed. Something most individuals take for granted so easily and never considers or thinks about during most of their lives.

It surprised me how similar many of the feelings I felt are so similar to Becky’s. I started thinking back to the time we spent at the Kona Grill, what I come away with is the amount of similarity Becky and I share in the areas of spirituality, being born TS and a host of other topics. Maybe those who transitioned later in life have had to endure so many different challenges that the experience changes them in a certain way. I know that my transition has forever changed me in ways that I may not realize yet. Only the future can reveal that part of my story.

My appointment with Dr. Aslan got moved to Friday, it was originally scheduled for Tuesday, Feb. 22. Heidi called me to tell me that she will be in Surgery at KP Santa Clara, so we moved it to Friday. Jen and I arrived at KP mountain view at just after 9:00 AM. Heidi called me in right on time and did the usual routine of taking my vitals and weight. I was surprised to discover my weight was 151lbs with my clothes on. That would put me well below 150lbs bare. I had no idea I lost weight. I thought I had gained weight instead. We followed Heidi into one of the exam rooms. I Changed into a gown and waited for Dr. Aslan to arrive. In short time, there was a knock on the door, it was Dr. Aslan. She came in and sat down on the stool while I sat on the exam table. She had a bunch of questions for me and I had some for her. She asked me how long was the surgery, just over 3 Hrs, and a few other questions specific to this procedure. I’m her first TS vaginoplasty patient. I told her about the suture tears, that is when I got into the exam table so she could have a look. She probed around a bit with a Q tip to asses the extent of the suture tears. I told her Dr. Meltzer said to keep that area really clean and it should heal in time. Dr. Aslan suggested doing a wet to dry dressing change to aid in the healing process. I was not certain of doing this as Jen would need to play nurse and do the dressing changes for me.

We also got the results of my urine cultures back from the lab. Yes, I got a UTI and the first antibiotics I got would not work for the offending organism, so she wrote me scrip for Cipro.

I suspected there was a UTI brewing and I was right. I’m glad we did the catheter removal at KP and they were able to get this lab work done.

I wanted to get my visit with Dr. Shaffer done sooner than later so we can figure what is the best way of dealing with this. Dr. Aslan was not motivated to have a look inside my vagina using a speculum. That was fine, and could wait until later. She found the article written by Dr. Meltzer and staff regarding post-op care I left for her interesting and helpful. She was a bit surprised at how good things looked given I was still quite swollen and not really healed yet. She told me to call her if I needed anything. Just before she left the room, I gave her a thank you card. Dr. Aslan’s reply, “Thank you Bernice, you’re really sweet.” I just wanted her to know that what she does for me is appreciated.

I got dressed and Jen and I were on our way. I wanted to find out if they had sent my scripts to the pharmacy. When I got to the front desk, there was no one to ask about this, and then I noticed that Heidi was around the corner and I called her to see if she could verify my scripts were sent. She came back a short time later and confirmed my scripts were sent. Jen and I headed down to the pharmacy to pick up my scripts. I got my meds, some more Bactracin and a bottle of KP’s version of Cetaphil to try. We headed home after this trip. The rest of the day was pretty low key. We took a walk around the park, had lunch and I did my daily post-op care. Our evening was spent watching stuff on TV and me resting. I just want to keep things at a low level of activity so my body can recover.