Goodbye Mom...I Love You Always
October 4, 2008
On a Thursday afternoon, I had a chance to visit mom after being away for quite a while. Knocked on the door. Dad soon answered, opened the door and I proceeded to my mom’s room where she was eating her noontime meal. I sat next to her and began to feed her rice with meat and some soup. When she was done, I took dishes out to the kitchen where dad was doing some washing and I proceeded back to visit spend time with mom. Over the years and months after her treatment for cancer, her health has been on a steady decline and grew in difficulty with each of my visits. Before I left, I gave mom a hug and kiss on the cheek as usual, but something was missing, her soul and sprit seemed far more distant than in previous time we hugged, something had changed, I said goodbye to dad with a hug. I had no idea this would be the last meal and moments we would share together…
Several days later, Diane called me late one afternoon to deliver the news that mom had passed. I was working on a design in CAD at the time, my mind went numb, my focus and concentration towards the design work shifted towards my memories of mom. The news did not really sink in until I got home a few hours later. Jen knew there was something wrong the moment I stepped in the door. She held me and asked what’s wrong, when I told her mom had passed and cried for a moment as Jen held me.
There is a mix of relief and deep sadness with my mom’s passing. Relief that her daily effort and suffering in this life is done, sad as I have now lost the parent who cared for me in so many ways. My earliest memories of mom go back when she was diapering me, singing a tune as she heated up my bottle. There were many naps we took together and as I started school, she was always there to care for me. Even during the times when our family struggled to survive, she always managed to find a way to take care of me in ways only she could.
When our family immigrated to America, a few of the words I remember mom telling us, “The fruits in Gold Mountain does not taste the same as where we are from.” Mom knew that immigrating to the America meant giving up her life in Hong Kong after narrowly escaping the Japanese invasion of China during world war two. Our family struggle those initial years San Francisco’s Chinatown. As years passed, our family was fortunate enough purchase a home in the Richmond district due the hard work of my other family members. At times, mom seemed totally unreasonable, yet in her own way, she had our families futures in mind beyond our daily struggle to survive. Mom was the bond that held our family together.
For reasons no know to me, mom never really imposed any significant expectations upon me, she simply allowed me to slowly discover who I was and my place in life. She was always there to love and support me and provided stability in my life, which allowed me to learn and grow. Our life’s experiences what ever they might be are from the gift of life our parents have given us. Mom has given me the greater gift of allowing me to discover, become and accept me for who I am in this journey of life. Mom continues to live in my memories of her and the gifts that she has given me in my lifetime. Thank you mom, for giving me the gift of life, allowing me to be me and always being there to support and love me in ways only you can.
On a Thursday afternoon, I had a chance to visit mom after being away for quite a while. Knocked on the door. Dad soon answered, opened the door and I proceeded to my mom’s room where she was eating her noontime meal. I sat next to her and began to feed her rice with meat and some soup. When she was done, I took dishes out to the kitchen where dad was doing some washing and I proceeded back to visit spend time with mom. Over the years and months after her treatment for cancer, her health has been on a steady decline and grew in difficulty with each of my visits. Before I left, I gave mom a hug and kiss on the cheek as usual, but something was missing, her soul and sprit seemed far more distant than in previous time we hugged, something had changed, I said goodbye to dad with a hug. I had no idea this would be the last meal and moments we would share together…
Several days later, Diane called me late one afternoon to deliver the news that mom had passed. I was working on a design in CAD at the time, my mind went numb, my focus and concentration towards the design work shifted towards my memories of mom. The news did not really sink in until I got home a few hours later. Jen knew there was something wrong the moment I stepped in the door. She held me and asked what’s wrong, when I told her mom had passed and cried for a moment as Jen held me.
There is a mix of relief and deep sadness with my mom’s passing. Relief that her daily effort and suffering in this life is done, sad as I have now lost the parent who cared for me in so many ways. My earliest memories of mom go back when she was diapering me, singing a tune as she heated up my bottle. There were many naps we took together and as I started school, she was always there to care for me. Even during the times when our family struggled to survive, she always managed to find a way to take care of me in ways only she could.
When our family immigrated to America, a few of the words I remember mom telling us, “The fruits in Gold Mountain does not taste the same as where we are from.” Mom knew that immigrating to the America meant giving up her life in Hong Kong after narrowly escaping the Japanese invasion of China during world war two. Our family struggle those initial years San Francisco’s Chinatown. As years passed, our family was fortunate enough purchase a home in the Richmond district due the hard work of my other family members. At times, mom seemed totally unreasonable, yet in her own way, she had our families futures in mind beyond our daily struggle to survive. Mom was the bond that held our family together.
For reasons no know to me, mom never really imposed any significant expectations upon me, she simply allowed me to slowly discover who I was and my place in life. She was always there to love and support me and provided stability in my life, which allowed me to learn and grow. Our life’s experiences what ever they might be are from the gift of life our parents have given us. Mom has given me the greater gift of allowing me to discover, become and accept me for who I am in this journey of life. Mom continues to live in my memories of her and the gifts that she has given me in my lifetime. Thank you mom, for giving me the gift of life, allowing me to be me and always being there to support and love me in ways only you can.
posted by Rupunzell | 10:19 PM
2 Comments:
Sorry to hear that, Nici, but it looks like you made good peace with her before she left. :: hugz ::
//Lauren
I’m sorry to hear of your loss, Bernice. I hope you find inner strength and peace in this time of transition. My thoughts are with you.
~Amy
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