Life’s Beginnings, Life’s End

Life’s Beginnings, Life’s End
October 9, 2007

Two weekends ago, we went to a friend’s wedding in Las Vegas. While Vegas is a place where, “a little bit goes a long way” and it is not one of my favorite places to spend time, it was where my friend planned to get married. Vegas is really Fantasy Land on an over done scale where gambling, drinking, smoking and pleasures of the flesh becomes reality for some. It continues to evolve and grow in every way with each hotel trying their best to out do each other in their efforts to lure visitors with the hopes of these visitors leaving Vegas their money.

My friend and I met on line years ago; she is also a Dr. Meltzer girl. We helped each other during the recovery process by offering emotional support for each other and I helped her by sharing my experiences with surgery since I was a few procedures ahead of her and offered some medical advice from my doctor friends. Over time, our relationship grew very close in many ways. She shared with me her joyful and difficult times with dating men. How a good number of them were such pigs and others were prince charming in every way. We shared about our children, their lives and challenges of being a parent. We shared about how our ex spouses mis-understood and abused us emotionally. We had so much in common and so much to share. There were days when hours would pass while we talked on the phone. Eventually, she told me her current guy friend asked for her hand in marriage and presented her with a diamond engagement ring. She accepted and their wedding plans were made to have their wedding in Vegas since most their families are live in many different states and his side of the family has never been to Vegas.

When we met for the first time in Vegas, it was like meeting an old friend I have not seen a years. In many ways, we kind of picked up where we left off except we were talking face to face and our body language added to our conversation. On her wedding day, she got ready for the wedding in our hotel room, hair, make-up specialist arrived and when they were done, we shared a moment together with me helping her get dressed in her wedding gown. We held each other and shared a silent tear together as we both knew of the long and difficult journey we have both traveled to get to where we are today. It was a moment of intimate sisterhood bonding and a moment to admire her beauty as a bride to be. This was a special moment of happiness we shared together. I will forever remember how special it is to share this moment with a close friend.

The three of us walked to the wedding chapel in the Vegas hotel where her hubby to be and our families were waiting. With hubby to be waiting at the alter, minister at his side, one of her guy friends walked her down the aisle and their wedding ceremony began. It was a short ceremony with their minister guiding them along the process until they reached a point in their ceremony where they exchanged the vows they wrote for each other. Hubby to be choked up with emotion from the words that came from his heart and wife to be shed a joyful tear as she read her loving words fro her heart to her hubby to be. I sat there with memories of all shared together that brought us up to this moment in out lives and could not help but cry tears of joy for the newly wed couple, man and wife. After the ceremony, came lots of photos and congratulations from all who attended. When all was done, my married friend headed back up to my hotel room for her to change into her traditional red Chinese dinner gown and we all headed over to the restaurant for dinner. The banquet was held in Chinese tradition with 9 courses, noodles for good luck at the end and wedding cake for desert. In short time, the day was done and we all headed back to our hotel rooms after such a long and eventful day.

Jen and I stayed in Vegas a few days after the wedding and visited various hotels along the main strip. This was Jen’s first visit to Vegas and we both had a good time in Fantasy Land even with all the walking we had to do.

Back in August, I got a phone call from a friend that has not called in quite a while. There must be something wrong from the sound of her voice. She told me our mutual friend Kelly Ann was killed on her motorcycle over the weekend. I was very surprised and shocked at the same time, as I knew Kelly’s life had come back together so well after such a difficult transition years earlier. Kelly Ann was also a Dr. Meltzer girl. It turns out that Kelly as waiting at a red stoplight and some nutzoid driver rear-ended her due his careless driving. This driver also killed a pedestrian, and smashed several cars in the process. I met Kelly’s family at her memorial and shared a few moments down memory lane with Kelly’s sister. This death has been very difficult for me to take, as Kelly was a single parent with two children. While they are both in their early adulthood, they made life difficult for Kelly during her transition. Regardless of how Kelly’s children made life difficult for her, Kelly was always the stability in their lives. It was not until these recent years her children began to appreciate all that she had done for them over the years. I could not stop the feeling of loss and the power my emotions when I visited Kelly at the funeral home, I just cried and cried from the loss of a friend along this journey.

Back in May, we went to both Loreena Mc Kennitt’s concerts and there is a song by Loreena, Dante’s Paryer, which always comes to mind during difficult, times like this.

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Dante's Paryer
Loreena Mc Kennitt

When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone
I did not believe because
I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars
Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless

Please remember me...
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The first time I hear this song, it really stuck with me as it carries such a message of hope in during the most difficult moments in life’s journey.

My memories of Kelly Ann and my newly married friend are special moments in my life, forever engraved in my memory, and in my soul. These are snippets of what our lives are like years post transition, our lives are in every way just like many other members of the human family.