7 Weeks Later....

March 24, 2006

Jen and I have been watching, “The L Word” since this series began. In a recent episode, Dana the tennis pro died of breast cancer alone in the hospital. When her past lover Alice went out for a short break after staying in Dana’s room for the past few days, she found her dead upon her return. Alice was emotionally devastated. I was emotionally shocked and tearful after watching this. I felt this was the loss of a friend. What a way to present the realities of dealing with Breast Cancer. Dr. Susan Love made a cameo appearance during one episode of, “ The L Word”. She is well know for, “The Breast Book” which contains a lot of information of breast and women’s health. Dr. Love is a well known authority on the treatment of breast cancer and breast health. She is also lesbian and has a long term partner. They were involved with setting a legal standing of same sex partners who adopt children being legitimate and legal. Yes, this is a TV series, but over the years, this group of women has become a group of friends that we have come to know and shared part of their lives with. What I enjoy most about this series is how they are willing to deal with the realities of what it’s like to be a sexual minority. Max who is the female to male trans man in this series is a nice change from the way most media has portrayed trans folks in the past. We get to watch Max develop emotionally and physically. I wonder about Max’s partner Jenny and how she is going to deal with his journey.

The day after we returned home from Scottsdale was spent with Mia. It’s been a while and I missed spending time with her. It was back to work on Monday and trying to do catch up on all that was waiting for my attention.

About two weeks post-op I developed an infection on the right side of my labia minora. It cleared up after a week by keeping the area as clean as possible, changing panty liners every time after using the bathroom, keeping that area covered with Bacitracin and no underwear when possible. It is very important to keep the post LP area clean as it is easy to get an infection post op. I know of several friends who got infections post LP and needed a course of antibiotics to clear the infection. It is still swollen and numb / tender in places. The right side of my labia is more swollen than the left, I’m confident it will even out as more time passes. I have been dilating once a week with #2-3 for now. There are no problems with doing this, it’s just a chore that needs to get done. I do believe waiting longer for LP does have its advantages during the recovery process and final results. The urine stream has been pretty much problem free since March of 2005 when I was post VAG.

The post-op tape is still well attached to the bottom part of my areola. We decided to leave this on as long as possible to help reduce the possibility of a raised scar which I’m prone to develop. The implants are still pretty high, very firm and nipples are hypersensitive. I discovered that covering them with a modified pad of 3M Medipore tape makes a world of difference in reducing the hypersensitivity. I used the nipple covers from the Nordies lingerie department at first. They worked fine, but at a dollar a pair and being not reusable, they were not economical for my needs. I discovered what my BA friends described as “Morning Boob”. This is when the muscles are tight against the implant when waking in the morning. The muscle does relax once my daily activities begin.

I was able to get back on the bike at 3.5 weeks post op with sports bra on top. Even at this point of the recovery process, I really need a bra when cycling for a host of reasons. There were a few sutures near the bottom of my VAG that kept me from bicycling earlier. That area hurt from the sutures partly sticking out and when they finally came out and I was able to gently remove them. I was able to get back in the saddle after that got better. The first time back on the bike is never easy. This is pretty much what happened post VAG one year ago. One of the first rides we went on was 1.5 hours long, about 20 miles. I felt really slow, fat and out of shape pedaling the bike again. The good side of this, I can work at getting back in shape and lose the few pounds I gained over the last few weeks. My body weight is usually pretty consistent and depends on my fitness level. If there is any significant deviation from my physical activities or extra calories, my weight changes pretty fast. It is so easy to gain weight with a female endocrine system and age.

The sutures are popping and falling out at an amazing rate. It is surprising to discover how many sutures were used for LP. I have been told LP is 10% cut and trim, but 90% sewing. Each suture that appears and comes out leaves a small hole. I have been very gently removing the ones that are willing and leaving the ones that are not ready. Each one of these holes are kept as clean as possible and covered with Bacitracin. No infections from this so far. Many of my friends including Jen who had LP were surprised at the difficulty and problems with the LP recovery process. While it is not as intensive as VAG, it is still surgery and should be taken seriously with care during the recovery process. I started dilating with #3-4 again with few problems. I’m pretty much back to where I was pre-op with my plastic boyfriends.

At 5 weeks, the tape covering my areola finally started to roll and was removed. This is the first time I was able to see what my incision looked like post BA. The left side is pretty faint and not easy to find since it blended well into the edge of the areola. There is a tiny bit of redness when the incision was made, I’m hoping this will improve with time. The right side is more clearly visible where the incision was made. It has a tiny depression on the incision line. Dr. Meltzer’s office sent me some samples of Spectragel silicone anti keloid gel. I’m going to start using this and watch the healing process. This gel requires time to dry and could stain clothes. I discovered it does transfer to my cami that I have been wearing since Dr. Meltzer’s post BA instructions are no bra for 3 months. This gel does not wash out easily either, so better for me to wear a cami that is OK to have these stains for now. The hypersensitivity has improved very significantly and no longer requires my areola’s being covered with modified 3M Medipore tape. Sensitivity wise, they are pretty similar to pre-BA. Yes, I’m still breast / nipple orgasmic. The rest of my boobies feel pretty much as they were pre-BA. The implants continue to drop and soften as time passes.

What I find interesting is they look so much like a bigger version of what I had pre-BA. The shape is growing closer to what I had before as more time passes. Out of curiosity, I measured the half diameter of my boobies; they are just over 9” which makes me a full C cup. I tried on a few 36C bras that I have from my “play dress up days” and my boobies easily fill both cups and the center of some bras where the under wires meet lift slightly which means a bigger cup is recommended. I might end up a small D. It’s amazing that 275cc implants would make me this big. I started out a small B, it seems that my new girls are 50% my breast tissue and 50% implant. What is more surprising is they really don’t look that big under most tops I wear. I still generally fit a women’s size M top, but some are definitely more than snug around the girls. If my boobies were any bigger, finding clothes that fit well would be more of a problem. During the two other BA consultations I had, both surgeons wanted to use 400cc+ with me and knowing what I know now, they would be a lot bigger than my preference and out of proportion with my body shape. What I have now is pretty darn well proportioned. There are no regrets when I told Dr. Meltzer to do what ever he felt was the correct implant size for me. If I push my boobies together, there is significant cleavage. One of my mom friends who had BA done over 10 years ago told me not to worry about the surgery, everything should be fine and I would really enjoy having them. She is so right; I really do like my new girls in so many ways.

At 7 weeks, Jen and I are cycling well together again; I’m still not at my pre surgery fitness level. More time on the bike will get me there. The sutures have pretty much stopped popping out and the swelling appears to resolve faster once I got back to cycling. My LP looks very different from the first week post-op. The asymmetry has resolved significantly and overall, my labia minoria looks good. I was looking at my vulva one day with a mirror and was amazed at how all this turned out. I was told by our previous doc to wait 6 months to know what your final results look like. Not only does it feel right, it looks like I was born this way. Fact is, I really don’t think about my VAG much these days. It has just become part of me. This is becoming the same for my BA. I don’t think much about it these days either. Yes, there is still some post-op care, but nothing that is really time consuming.

I’m looking forward to shopping for new undies in the near future. Life is good again :)

Our Journey Home

Feb 11, 2006

Saturday, our last day in Phoenix before taking our flight back home. Our bags are pretty much packed and ready to go. We purchased another coffee grinder from ACE hardware again when we arrived in Scottsdale. This is grinder number 4 and appears to be a tradition with us. No, we are not going to bring it back with us, we are leaving it at the B&B for other guest to use if they wish. This is our last morning here at the B&B and we are going to miss this place. It’s become more of a second home for us than just a place to stay. Jen loaded most of our stuff into our rented PT curser and I took a few pictures of the B&B. The owner of this B&B drove up just as we were about to head off. We chatted a bit about his interest in historic car stuff and took a few pictures of us before we headed off to meet Amy and Jan at the Scottsdale art fair.

Amy was doing much better today. The problem with nausea has passed and Amy was well enough to go for a walk at the art fair. We suspect it might have been something she ate that got her sick. We had just enough time to spend a little time at the fair and share lunch together before heading to return the rented PT curser and catch our flight home.

It was great to see Amy out and about in Scottsdale for the first time since our walk on Tuesday. The four of us shared lunch together at a small café on main street Scottsdale. We shared many of our initial post op experiences, both good and bad with Amy. This gave her and idea of what to expect and things that might be helpful during the recovery process. I’m going to miss our conversations about physics and other science topics with Jan. I’m going to miss our chats with Amy about life and our ideas of how the universe works. The time for us to start our trip home has come. We said our goodbyes to both Amy and Jan and wished them well in the days to come.

Jen wanted to stop by Landis cycles to get one of their cycling jerseys, but we were a bit pinched for time. We tried to find Landis cycles by memory and landmark with no success. Our time was limited so I called information on my cell phone and got connected to Landis cyclery, got their address and found our way there with just enough time for Jen to get her Jersey.

It was still a challenge to find the new centralized rental car facility near PHX airport. It took a bit of a try and eventually we arrived at the rental car return facility. The AVIS rental car return went quick with few problems. The shuttle to PHX terminals went well and we arrived with enough time to make our flight home. I think this new centralized rental car facility at PHX is OK, but not ideal. They should have installed a rail or other mass transit system instead of using shuttle busses to get folks to the airport. The shuttle ride takes about 10 minutes or so depending on traffic.

We checked in at the SWA quick serve check in, check in our baggage and headed over to the gate. The wait for flight to depart was short. The pilot announced that his wife and child is on this flight. This is the first time I hears a pilot announce his family was on a plane he was flying. We arrived at SJC on time and the flight was smooth. Jen and I headed over to the baggage check area and picked up or baggage headed over to the TAXI area and got a car home. Less than 20 minutes later we arrived at our front door. It was so nice to be back home. Jen let our parrot out of her cage. This time she seemed a bit less upset that we were gone for some time and a bit more cheerful than the last time we went on a trip and Jen’s brother cared for her. I was late afternoon when we arrived back home. We were both pretty tired from the journey home. It’s just nice to be back home again. I got into bed to rest while Jen headed out to do a bit of food shopping. We had a quiet dinner and evening together. I did my post-op care chores before bed time and began to think of all those memories, friends, places and events that happened on this trip to Phoenix. I’m sure we will return to Phoenix in the future, not for anymore Dr. Meltzer surgery dates, but to visit friends and places we enjoy in Phoenix.

Our Last Days in Phoenix

Feb 10, 2006

It was a pretty typical morning for us, Jen went out for a walk and I decided to say at the B&B to rest after doing too much activity for the past few days. We planned to visit the Phoenix Botanical Gardens later today, visit Amy at Greenbaum and have dinner with friends later this evening. During the time Jen was out walking, I spent my time listening to music and relaxing. I began to think about all that has happened over the past few days. I’m thankful that all went well with my surgeries and overall, my recovery has not been difficult so far. We stayed at the Holiday Inn during our last few trips to Scottsdale and that was getting really old. I have never been a fan of places like the Holiday Inn, they are OK, but I really prefer staying at Bed and Breakfast or local Inn’s when possible anywhere we travel. It’s more like home and after staying at this B&B for the past several days, it has become far more like home to us. This B&B is run by a commercial realtor and his hobby is collecting historic automotive bits like old gas pumps, posters, dealer signs and all the stuff associated with cars from the past. He restores them and puts them on display around his property. He does have a few vintage cars too. Jen and I enjoyed looking at this stuff; it was like touring an antique automotive museum every day. There is a small orange and grapefruit orchard on one side of this property too. This B&B is located not too far from the big shopping center on Scottsdale Road, well within walking distance. We would definitely stay here again when visiting Scottsdale. I finished getting ready for the day just before Jen returned from her morning walk. We made a quick lunch at the B&B before heading out for the day. Our next stop was to visit Amy at Greenbaum to see how she is doing with her recovery.

It was early afternoon when we arrived at Greenbaum to visit Amy, Jan was in her room keeping her company before we arrived. Amy was not feeling so great today as she was dealing a bad case of nausea. We were not really sure of the cause. We tried to comfort her and help her get thru this bump in recovery. The anti-nausea meds tended to make her sleepy, so she opted to avoid them when possible. Jen and I had planned to visit Phoenix Botanical gardens today, but decided it was a bit late in the afternoon for this; instead we stayed with Amy to keep her company. The time passed quickly as we chatted about everything from T* stuff to physics.

Jan reads a lot of Amine cartoon books and you always see the captions, “Sigh!” Jan used this in her conversation with us all that afternoon and by late afternoon she got Jen and I saying, “Sigh!” This stuck with us and eventually Amy looked at us and said,” Jan! You have forever changed the conversation between Jen and Nici.” I got to agree, since that time, the “Sigh!” really stuck with us. Amy was mixed for most of the day. We were hoping that she would be well enough to join us for dinner. But she never got over the nausea that whole day and it was hard on her to deal with.

By the time our dinner get together drew near, Amy was still not well. I had called Dr. Becky earlier this week to set up a dinner get together and somewhere in between, Donna Rose, Linda, and part of Roberta’s support group which we met earlier this week all decided on getting together for dinner on Thursday resulting in a big dinner group. Only problem is where, at the time when Dr. Becky and I had planned to GTG, we were going to meet at Oregano’s Pizza, but the group ended up at the Olive Garden. This group grew to about 12 and I ended up sitting next to Margaux with Donna in front of me. The words and conversation just poured out of us and by the end of dinner, Margaux and Donna wore me out. We all had a wonderful time together. One of the topics that came up was the degree of separation among individuals we know, it has been said that there are usually no more than seven degrees of separation among all of us, but within the trans community, it appears to be no more than one or two. In many ways, this is a relatively small community. After dinner we headed back to see how Amy was doing. When we arrived, Amy appeared to be doing better. We decided it was time for her grand opening gift. I picked it up from the table handed it to her. Amy looked that the odd blue wrapping with a card attached on top. She removed and opened the card and read the written words with a smile. She proceeded to open the gift. The mysterious blue wrapping turned out to be a chux pad. As more of the wrapping was removed, her eyes became big as saucers when it was revealed it was a box of Surgi-Lube! Amy’s eye’s rolled and let out a big laugh. We were all laughing pretty hard by now with Amy looking at the box of Surgi-Lube she just got. I asked her to open the box and when she did, inside the box were two books, “It’s a Girl Thing and Women of Substance” for her reading pleasure. Amy was touched and cheerful after what just happened and thanked us for the gift. Early summer last year, I sent a box of Surgi-Lube to my sis in Phx and when we met for dinner the night we arrived, she gave us a gift wrapped in this Surgi-Lube box. Our eyes rolled when we unwrapped the gift to discover the box of Surgi-Lube. When we opened the box, it contained a set of coffee cups for Jen and I. The gag was so funny that we decided it’s too good not to share. The idea of using a chux pad for the wrapping came when I was looking at the small bag of post-op stuff I got from Dr. Meltzer’s office. There were an entire set of events that ended up as part of Amy’s gift gag. We were pretty tired from the day’s events and it was time for us to head back to the B&B. We drove Jan back to the Holiday Inn where she is staying and continued on to our B&B for rest and bed time.

Every morning I have been keeping an eye on my labiapalsty to see how it is doing. The first time I saw it was the morning after surgery and post catheter removal and it looked like purple bruised and swollen hamburger. This Friday morning my LP looks far better; the swelling is better but has a long ways to go. I was doing the crab walk for the first few days post-op due to the swelling and to my amazement; my bottoms were a bit tight for the first day or two. What I can say is don’t take the Labiaplasty procedure lightly, it can be more involved than one might think. Jen was surprised at how much recovery time was involved with this. While I was up and around in a few days post and the pain level was not really high for me, there was still some of the usual post surgery tiredness. It is important to keep your bottom clean, incision lines covered with Bacitracin and avoid undiees when possible. I put a chux pad on the bed when I’m in bed to prevent drainage from staining the sheets. It is also a really good idea to stay off your feet for the first few days and ice on and off for the first day or so helped reduce the swelling in my case. Always brand thin pads without wings in the yellow package worked well when we were out and about, I changed them every time I went to the bathroom.

Nipple hypersensitivity continues to be the primary problem with my BA. They are still high, slightly swollen and hard, pretty much what you would expect for this point in the BA recovery process. They have not been significantly painful even when I push them together, from the top to bottom against my relocated breast crease. They feel slightly sore and slightly tender more than painful. They are so hard and firm that I cannot really feel the implant location, but there certainly is something in there. Lifting stuff is a bit more difficult for the first few days, it is not a good idea to lift anything of significant weight for a while anyway. This makes maneuvering yourself in bed with your arms and upper body a bit different for the first few days post BA. It’s going to take 2-6 months before the implants settle and they did change my posture even for the short time that I have them. I’m still a bit amazed that I actually got the breast aug after that entire struggle for so long. It still seems a bit unreal even when I’m constantly reminded I have them. My meds are now Tylenol and Motrin as needed, Arnica, Colace and Acidophilus as directed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After we got up from bed and did our usual routine, Jen went out for a long walk to Camelback and I decided to stay at the B&B to rest. We are planning to visit Phoenix Botanical Garden; it’s our last chance to do this before we head back home. When Jen arrived back from her walk, she told me that she hear a cyclist call out her name and it turned out to be Dr. Meltzer and a friend were out for a Friday bike ride. What were the chances that they would connect on a Friday morning, fate and the universe has a strange way of making things happen. Jen was pretty tired from that long walk so we made some coffee and food. We sat around to rest for a while before heading out for the day.

Our first stop today was to visit Amy at Greenbaum to see how she was doing. I was curious to see if her nausea has improved. We also had a gift for the nursing staff who works at Greenbaum RCC. When we arrived at Amy’s room, Jan was already there keeping Amy company. She looked a lot better today. We talked for a while sharing our times at Greenbaum and plans for our trip home.

Jen and I took a short break from our chat to give our gift to the nursing staff. I handed the gift wrapped in blue to Julie and she was wondering what it was wrapped with. As a few members of the nursing staff watched Julie take part of the wrapper off, everyone let a out a big laugh once they realized the gift was wrapped in a blue chux pad. Julie proceeded to open the box to reveal a crystal nurse on a mirror with a sign that reads, “Medicine Heals the Body, But Nurses Heal the Soul.” The staff really liked this gift from Jen and I. This crystal nurse remains at Greenbaum, you will find the crystal nurse at the corner of the main nursing staff counter. Jen and I headed back to Amy’s room. We sat down for a little while longer to chat, and a short moment later, Dr. Meltzer and Linda walked in. They looked as surprised as we were and we shared some warm greetings. Dr. Meltzer stopped in to see how Amy was doing and we just sat and watched as Dr. Meltzer did a check up and chat with Amy. We had just enough time for two pictures and once that was done, Dr. Meltzer and Linda headed off to see his next patient.

There is a “Dream Journal” for Dr. Meltzer’s patients. It contains the heart felt words from many patients who spent time at Greenbaum. The Journal was originated by Kara, a friend who is also a Dr. Meltzer girl. Some of the writings in that journal are very emotional, some are simply heart breaking to read and gives a bit of insight to those who have made this journey. It was strange for me to read what I wrote in that Journal just over a year ago. It is amazing to look back at where I was back then and where I’m at today. So much has changed since then, it brought back my memories of the emotional struggle that I had been dealing with for so long and now that struggle has become a faded memory. I was going to write a bitabout my recent time at Greenbaum in the Dream Journal, but our time for me to write ran out. It was late in the afternoon and time to drive over to Phoenix Botanical Garden before the sunsets.

We arrived at Phoenix Botanical Garden with no more than 3 hours before sunset and there was much to see. I have always enjoyed cactus for their shape, personality and tenacity to survive in a harsh enjoinment. Their flowers are pretty too. Once you get past the entrance, there is a main path that takes you to various desert setting which contains native plants, cactus and structures that native folks would live. We got to see only part of Phoenix Botanical Gardens before I was tired from the walk and the sun was beginning to set. For those who have an interest in cactus and what various desert environments might look like, this is good place to see this. The rest of our evening was spending sharing dinner with my sis in Phoenix. Once we were back at the B&B, we started the tasks of packing and getting ready for our trip home. As I began to pack our things for the trip home, I wonder where all the time has gone. It seems like yesterday when we arrived at PHX and was getting ready for my surgery date along with all my pre-op struggles. Now, all that is done and I had with few problems with my surgery and recovery so far. I’m thankful everything turned out this way. I guess fate and the universe was good to me this time.